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Joined: Sep 2004
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Pelmeni,
Just another thought... if you decide to make a break with your boyfriend/fiance, I encourage you to use New Option Generator f/LS to help you get over him and move on. If you decide to go the other way, Creating Sparks may be the way to go- for you and for him.
Hope this helps!
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Joined: Nov 2006
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hehe... I like that, one lost, 10 found!  Actually memreh is reminding me of my friend Bud... He really tried to act in a way to conceal part of what he was really like, even though in other ways he stubbornly clung to being what he felt comfortable being. Anyhow, his real qualities were there in the beginning, but now it is coming out more so because he feels more comfortable being himself. And now I'm thinking oh he is a dud, do I want to hang with him this much? But on the other hand he has been a great friend. One thing bud has done is refused to force himself to be someone he isn't in a lot of ways. So it sounds to me like your guy put on a bit of an act and he just can't keep it up. Anyhow just a couple of bobs worth..............~~  ps... as far as I'm concerned relationships are confusing! 
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Joined: Nov 2007
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Lol! I love that! One lost, ten found! That's great!
I have been reading Byron Katies book "Loving What Is", and it's really helped me. It's such relief...
As of right now, everything is fine. We get along great, take, joke, etc...still no passionate intimacy but maybe in time.... We'll see...
Thank you so much for all your help everyone!!
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Joined: Oct 2007
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As a guy, this is how I see things... Most people (thanks to Hollywood and Walt Disney), think Love is a "feeling" we get, that will result in "happily ever after". It isn't. Love is what we create. It requires two people to put effort in. Its comes from each and every one of us. The "feeling" is the resultant of it. If we don't put effort into it, and let fear (of losing someone) take over, love is lost. Of course, things get a little more interesting when we realise that men's brains are wired differently to women's! Don't react to the situation, do something about it. I think there are "issues" with your partner, and the problem seems more like the lack of communication. You need to sit down with him and talk. He isn't telling you something that is bothering him. (And its driving you nuts). On the other hand, he could just have a lot of pressure going on in his life, and it seems he's letting the relationship take a back seat. (Which is something you should NOT do. Always leave time for your partner, and leave work worries where they belong, at work. I don't care how rich or poor you are, money cannot buy love). May I suggest do romantic things together? Get something sexy, and set up something special for a night? Right now, if I had a woman in my life, I would surprise her with something special once a month. Always leaving a few hours at the end of my day to spend time together. Just sit and talk for hours...Maybe get a little kinky at least once a week. 
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You are absolutely right, Aussiebear, he put our relationship in the backseat and made his job the #1 priority. Yes, will be able to retire in our 30's, and that is outstanding, but come on... He admits that work is his #1 priority...he even uses it as an excuse when I try to talk to him about how I miss the intimacy we used to have. I hate to say this guys, but I am sex-starved, intimacy-starved...and just need his loving ways back...
Whenever I try to do something special during the weekend he says he's either not feeling well, has to work, or just kind of eats dinner off the kitchen island while standing up... Something about it doesn't quite work. Lingerie doesn't seem to do anything either anymore. I'm out of ideas...How about you guys??
I have been listening to Kelly Howells subliminals lately and I feel better over-all. I am listening to the Attract Love CD while falling asleep and so far it has been very pleasant. I enjoy the Learning Strategies paraliminals but something about them doesn't quite click for me...Not sure how to describe it.
Anyway, looking forward to hearing from all of you!
Thank you for all your help!
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Quote:
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I have been listening to Kelly Howells subliminals lately and I feel better over-all. I am listening to the Attract Love CD while falling asleep and so far it has been very pleasant. I enjoy the Learning Strategies paraliminals but something about them doesn't quite click for me...Not sure how to describe it.
Anyway, looking forward to hearing from all of you!
Thank you for all your help!
About Kelly Howell products - I think that some of us are just better suited to subliminals which is most of what her products are. I also love her products over many more out there. That said - YOU MUST listen to NEW BEHAVIOUR and NEW HISTORY generator . It may seem like they are not working but YOU NEED TO BELIEVE! (And don't listen to the Belief paraliminal just yet). Work with NBG and NHG. These two will hopefully teach you (generate a habit of) how to focus on the positive instead of underscoring that which is not happening. You have to know, that if you want something then think of ONLY that! Don't even give what is not working a second thought - the negative thoughts area retractor not an attractor! If you own Kelly Howell's Deep Learning then use that to change your behaviour to help you work with the paraliminals provided by LSC. I have found personally that LSC products work great with me when I am seeking behaviour change - not a magical solution or peace in mind and heart. But that's me. My mind and soul responds more to Brain Sync for instant answers. Try one of my favourites from LSC - Instant Personal Magnetism - maybe that will help you radiate brighter aura of love than disappointment and he will respond more favourably to you and your ideas.
Last edited by decision2change; 12/14/07 01:16 AM.
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girls~~~ you have finally gotten to me and I went ahead and purchased a KH tape for the car... It's not the ones you are talking about, but for me I think it will be helpful. I'm pretty much a spacey type person so I got the "High Focus, Activate Lucid Thinking" one to listen to whenever I am in the car. Can't wait to see how it works for me!
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Quote:
You are absolutely right, Aussiebear, he put our relationship in the backseat and made his job the #1 priority. Yes, will be able to retire in our 30's, and that is outstanding, but come on... He admits that work is his #1 priority...he even uses it as an excuse when I try to talk to him about how I miss the intimacy we used to have. I hate to say this guys, but I am sex-starved, intimacy-starved...and just need his loving ways back...
Whenever I try to do something special during the weekend he says he's either not feeling well, has to work, or just kind of eats dinner off the kitchen island while standing up... Something about it doesn't quite work. Lingerie doesn't seem to do anything either anymore. I'm out of ideas...How about you guys??
You know what? Forget him.
I know this sounds harsh, but if you've made an honest attempt in this relationship, and he isn't responding, don't waste your life on him. If you do marry him, there is a high probability that you'll end up cheating on him if this situation happens again. (You are starved for love and affection. Not surprisingly, its the common cause as to why many marriages fail. The rate is 50% in USA, and 33% here in Australia. Regardless of numbers, its quite high...The only people who benefit are the divorce lawyers).
You're a 2nd priority to him, and that's wrong. Personal relationships should be above career, not the other way. Otherwise, you'll end up lonely and unfulfilled. Success isn't measured by money or materialistic things as depicted by celebrities. Its defined by a number of things in your life that leaves you completely fulfilled. The right balance of relationships, career, money, etc for YOU. Haven't you noticed how some celebrities are in rehab, while others are into "new age" things like meditation, yoga, etc? (The couples that last, are the ones that have finally found the balance in their lives.)
The best thing you can do for yourself is to let go of him, and seek your own path in life. Go and find your passions/hobbies, maybe you'll become successful at it and start your own business! Spoil yourself, do something completely new. Try a new look, etc.
Heck, you'd probably find someone who actually appreciates you for who you are. The longer you stay, the more painful things will get. Save yourself and your lingerie for someone who wants it. The best revenge, is to become successful yourself.
Regardless, don't be afraid to risk losing someone if they don't make you happy. If you leave them, they'll eventually come to realise what they've lost. It up to you if you want to take them back. If you do, just make it clear that they can't treat you like they're doing now. (The point is to show them that you aren't a push-over, and a loving relationship is important to you).
I know all this from experience. I was in a similar situation as you with a "career woman". (I'm in my late 20s now). But I'm lucky to learn this while I'm still relatively young. I'm going with my career first, then once that's settled, find someone special.
Life is too short. We only have one shot at it. So make it a damn good one.
On a side note, you shouldn't use paraliminals as a replacement on knowledge about relationships. It should be considered as a supplement. There is no substitute for good books from authors like Steve Chandler, etc. Go to your local library and read up on it. (Use Photoreading! That's what its for!)
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Joined: Aug 2003
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The more I think on this question, the more I think you're right, AussieBear. I was just thinking what =I= would do (others might make other choices), and frankly, I'd be out of there. The original poster manifested something apparently, just not sure it was in fact the relationship she really wants. Sometimes you just need to step back, take a good hard look, accept the truth and then try again, leaving out what ever part it was that produced a self-absorbed, somewhat cold partner. Unless that's what she wants, of course.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Hello Pelmeni,
I thought a reminder might be helpful. If you continue to keep your own energies positive and continue to have mindful intent of attracting your soulmate, a wonderful, thriving, loving relationship, and you must BELIEVE that this will come to you, or is coming to you. Then, just stay open to the idea that it may or may not turn out to be the person that you are currently with. I think everyone who reads this gets drawn in. Please keep us informed, and my best wishes go out to you.
-Jorena
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