Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Spring Forest Qigong disheartened but persevering

Hi
I started SPF qigong about 5 months ago. I posted then a few questions relating to my particular physical issues and how to adapt my practice of active exercises.
Recap: dealing with chronic pain resulting from 2 car accidents, osteoarthritis, and my life scripts carried in my body. As a retired psychotherapist I'm well aware of mind/body/spirit connections and have done years of inner work on myself. Also I've meditated on and off for years and done all kinds of bodywork in that time(alexander, feldenkrais, rolfing, reichian, gestalt,etc.) At this stage in my life, I have been truly and deeply trying to own my embodiment of who I am, including my particular physical pains, letting go victim stuff.

I also know that qigong( like other forms of healing) releases toxins and that this process can take time.

My 5 month journey with qigong has seen me begin able to stand only for brief periods of active ex, unable to do movements for very long. I have begun from 10 min to up to an hour now, but in that time, much was at the start using my imagination for the bits I couldn't do physically ( knees in 7 steps, arms in moving ying/yang, some arm movements in harmony of universe). I got to where I was doing more physically with a few bits I continued in my mind alone.
I also have been doing small universe sometimes daily, then a break, to daily now for weeks for usually an hour. I also listened to Faith and Confidence cd in bed as I fell asleep. In last 3 weeks I've switched to 6 Word Chant, since I know I've got deeply held emotional blockages in my heart channnel, which are entrenched in my spine and through my shoulders.

So my daily practice for some months has been 1 hour active(with some imagining for bits I couldn't do physically) and 1 hour small universe as a minimum.

I felt amazing in these months, increasingly confident of the power of qigong. I also have been giving level 2 healing regularly to family and friends with some very positive and immediate results. I also have done level 1 healing on myself for minor things, again with very immediate results.

I noticed as well a tremendous release in my lumbar spine which has been in pain and susceptible to frequent spasms and flareups since 1997. I have been more flexible in that part of my body than I have been since pre-car accident in 1996. Actually, I've been more limber there like I was over 25 years ago. For me all these things have been a huge testament of qigong working.

In recent weeks as I noticed more physical pain in my heart channel/spine area( which is also location of worst car damage and a rotational congenital deformity) and shoulders and upper arms, I just saw this as further releasing of blockages, and have been trying to stay open, positive and cooperate with the process. I STILL think that this is what is happening now, BUT, I'm feeling waves of sadness ( which could be old emotional hurts( as well as my heart centre opening more-when I heal others, I can "feel"/see auras and spirit guides, also weird sounds. I know my third eye has been opening more. I used to be a healer years ago, but moved away from it.).
I've also been feeling old angers/victim stuff come up again, as well as very disheartened.

I've been having really bad shoulder and upper arm pain, and have gradually been going back to imagining more of the active exercises, which feels like going backwards. And nonsense scripts like "If qigong really worked, I wouldn't have had my pain increase, nor sprout in new places." " I'll never get better" "It's too deeply entrenched" Blah, blah.

Usually my pain has eased with the qigong up until this last " body crisis". The nail in my "doubt coffin" went in yesterday when I saw my physiotherapist who said my shoulder pain is arthritis-based and that the qigong movements,which so many involve shoulder/arm actions are aggravating me. AND that the arthritis is permanent and I shouldn't do repetitive movements of any kind or I'll reinflame the joints. Just do 1-2 repetitions and imagine the rest.

Well, I've felt really low about that. Because of the great leaps forward I described above, I'd hoped/ believed that the arthritis in my hands and knees would eventually in time heal or be virtually pain free. Now with this new news, I feel a crisis of confidence, especially since so much of the active exercises involve shoulder/arm actions. And I'm worried that if I only visualise most of them, then I won't be benefiting as much as if I could physically do them. Also, I miss the actual physical sensation of doing them; they felt good. But they have definitely been too much for what my body can physically tolerate.

So, what I do NOW is: try to imagine arms moving in moving ying/yang, while only physically doing them 1 or 2 cycles only. But trying to imagine the arm actions is difficult to maintain; I can see one go round, but can't keep the other in my mind's eye easily.
Breathing of the universe:I physically do 2 in/out, then imagine the rest while my hands rest in front of lower dantien in same position as for the exercise on pillow as I sit.
Joining of ying/yang: I do as previous, sitting, hands on pillow in ball shape, moving my hands only(keeping shoulders/upper arms still)infintessimally. I continue to send healing to others while I do this one, which I've done for 5 months.
Harmony of universe:I stand,and omit upper arm action at shoulder level, but reach to heavens and do extensions with 1 arm up/1 down
7 steps: just pump with legs with 1 cycle only with both arms and legs. The rest of time I move legs only, concentrating on breath and link with universal energy in each centre.
Harvesting chi: all done but imagine bits affecting shoulder rotation, kidney cupping/massaging.
So I am persevering, but my confidence is dented, and I'm scared (probably old script and kidney blockage)that I (and my shoulders, heart/spine area) won't improve doing qigong in this more limited way, and that I just won't improve PERIOD!

Sorry this is so long, but I just felt in need of support. I am NOT going to stop doing qigong, but I don't like feeling the way I am at the moment. I know I should be more "zen" about it all, but physical pain is a great hook, and I've had so much of it over the years.
Sorry to be a downer.

Peggy

Hi Peggy,
" Usually my pain has eased with the qigong up until this last " body crisis". The nail in my "doubt coffin" went in yesterday when I saw my physiotherapist who said my shoulder pain is arthritis-based and that the qigong movements,which so many involve shoulder/arm actions are aggravating me."

Your progress, which is wonderful, seemed to greatly affected by this 'message' you got from the physiotherapist. I wouldn't let that message in so deep. Don't let that opinion dislodge the wonderful inspired path you have been on!

If a doctor told me I had arthritis, and shouldn't do active qigong because it would irritate my arthritis, I would smile, and say thankyou for the advice. Then I would go home and continue on with my gigong practice. I wouldn't consider them having much knowledge about qigong, defining it as just a physical movement practice.

I think you were doing really well with your practice, and sound to have a good sense of it relative to yourself and the challenges you are working with.

KNOW that when you engage with your practice, any part, that you are, at that point of engagement or immersion, self healing, regenerating and transforming. There can be some acutely felt physical sensation, or emotion in that. When you engage with qigong, healing feels like whatever it feels like, it is what it is, and it all is a blessing. You are a totally zen person. Wonderfully sensitive. Clear yourself of this last setback and get back to the great selfwork you were accomplishing.
Love,
Gallen

Hi Peggy,
There was something I wanted to add ..
Although I can see merit in just visualizing the active exercises, it is not something I've ever done in practice. My own sense of working with SFQ, finds me always focusing on small universe meditation, if I am unable to do the active exercises, for whatever reason. I totally trust that particular meditation as great 'medicine' for my body.

Initially focusing on meditation, and reducing active, doesn't mean retreat within the practice. 'Increasing meditation also is its own progression forward.' Small universe is great for the body. Not limited to that. The six word chant/heart centered meditation is just that, more heart centered, touching what connects to heart. Working up to two one hour sessions of meditation, or one two hour, would be a very transformational practice. You can visit active exericises as a more ocassional thing. Every other day, or once a week, however your practice leads you. You can immerse in these meditations, and approach the more physical expressions of active qigong, gently working with any physical boundaries. Intention always still moves towards complete healing. No judgements along the way. Enjoy the experience for what it can be.

Level II offers another whole list of possible 'progression forward' practices, physical/non physical. With all the choices, one can progress, even if limited in some way. You find your best path forward to take. It is there in the mix somewhere. It moves you forward, always, no matter what the specifics are. Everything is energy, and you can work with energy in a transformational way. Whatever the energy of 'something' is. Progress can be relative to the mind, body, 'or' spirit. They are all connected.


Relative to focus on meditation, recognize the physical body expressions in meditation. Note that the spine alignment, for example, is key in meditation, as well as the spine being an area very important to clear, first, in medical qigong. Very important physical expression that gets exercised in meditation positions.

SFQ active exercise is internal physical movement versus external. In an internalized physical expression, the movement is filled with qi, or qi moves through the physical expression. Qi is moving through bones and joints. If you feel your hands, qi is moving there, through the arm. That's good for the shoulder/arm/wrist/hand. Keeping a sense of feeling qi, keeps the movements internalized and regenerative.

I tend to really slow down my breath, and my movements. Sometimes, very very slow movements. One circle, sixty circles, can both get you there. Breath does not have to match movements. It doesn't if you move very slow. There's a nice separation or independence within that separation. Always remember that the mind moves the energy. Messages/signals, support the intention, what you want to do within your session. It is all progressive, proactive, via more yin or more yang expressions of your practice.
love,
Gallen

Hello, I am glad to hear that you won't give up QiGong.
I understand well how discontent negative energies can make one feel. I myself have once held in erratic and abstract emotions in myself for so long that they have manifested into...well, something I labeled 'not good'.

I'll going to quote something that I wrote a few months back...
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"Keep up your SFQ, you are just releasing old energy blockages.
When relaxing, send relaxing energy to the spot that you feel pain. Gently, use your mind to 'wrap around' the 'edges' of the area of pain, see it as energy-feel it as energy. Don't force it, do it from 'an observer' perspective...as if you are at the movies watching it happen on screen. Part of you already knows how to do this effortlessly, just tune into that perspective.

Then visualize/feel that the energy/area blockage is transparent--as transparent and empty as the air around you. As transparant as the space between the atoms of your body. Part of you may subconciously tense up as you do this, check to see if this has happened and simply relax back into the emptiness. Keep feeling the blockage as emptiness, BE IT as emptiness (while you stay relaxed)

The blockage is simply and object created from your mind somewhere in the past. It may be old energies that your body no longer needs and your energy body is telling your mind, "Hey, we don't need this anymore! Let's 'iron' it out!"

After a few moments of focusing on the blockage and the space in and around you as emptiness--you will reach a state where the emptiness inside the blockage feels the same as the emptiness outside of the blockage. At this point, your mind will feel only the edges, then, see the edges too, as emptiness and the blockage will dissolve.

Bring energy (breath+visualize) positive loving energy entering every atom of your body and collecting in the dantien. Feel the energy effortlessly flow through you, and you feel blissful.

Should you find more blockages when 'effortlessly' drawing in energy, repeat the steps. Also, this works for negetive emotions, thoughts, etc. Just find the part of your body that is 'experiencing' the emotion and feel that become transparent..."
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Allow the pain, blocked energy sensations or negative emotions to arise. Don't resist them. Fighting them only adds energy to them and they may come back stronger. I'm not trying to scare anyone here. I just want to illustrate how emotions can work. Instead of 'mentally deciding that you don't like the feeling you are experiencing' try allowing the feeling to come into your energy body. Allow the feeling to arise as energy, not a feeling. (All in all, EVERYTHING is pure energy) In your mind, accept these emotions, sensations and feelings for what they are, manifestations of energy. Make the intention to release and dissolve the energy to the Universe and bring in new positive energy to replenish and renew your being.

If that sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo (I go off on tangents sometimes) Then try the simple version: (It sure helped me out)
Take a few moments and imagine what it will be like to have mastered life and all of your pain, blockages and limitations completely undone. Feel how wonderful this state is. Experience the joy and bliss of this state. Then, make a strong intention in your mind to become this state at every moment of your life.
Anytime negative energies appear, remember the wonderful state that you truly have created in your mind. Over time, the new state you are creating will override anything negative.
By doing this, you *will* open doors...

~Z

Peggy,

Thanks for sharing all of this with us. It is fairly normal for people to experience these kinds of feelings. I do. In fact, I have been going through a down time right now and I recognize this as resistance and blockages. I have been through it before and if I just return to the practice (as best I can), I always work through it.

Always.

I agree with gallen's thoughts and zahyrus' comments here also. The message is essential. It is good that your doctor cares about you. And you can be grateful for that and for his trying to help you and then do what you have been doing because it seems from your message that you are making progress.

I know five months can seem like a long time and all time is relative. Nevertheless, how long have you had the pain, conditions, blockages? Some blockages can take a year or years to clear out completely.

SFQ and qigong in general is very powerful and works very well. However, although sometimes it can seem like magic (and it is magic, if you interpret magic in its original meaning of "hidden wisdom"). But quite often, for serious conditions, it can take longer than just a few months or even 5 or 6. And yet, from your message, it seems like it IS working. Just not as fast as you would like.

And that is natural and normal. This goes back to Mel Brooks' famous formula about comedy and tragedy: he says something like "Comedy is watching someone slip on a banana peel and fall on their bottom, maybe even down a hill. Tragedy is when [b][/b] get a paper cut!". Again, it's all relative. It is easy for anyone (even ourselves) to say, "I know that this is not that long a time". But inside ourselves, it feels like so long and we want results! And the irony about these kinds of feelings, is that they are raised precisely because it IS working!

We feel change and there is both wanting more and resistance to change from the ego.

Just keep doing the best you can.

And a few more things:

I agree with gallen about the Small Universe. Focus on that more if the physical movements are too much. And/or (and these can even be combined, i.e. you can do the Small Universe WHILE you are doing the following) :

The postures of SFQ, i.e. the two opening exercises, "The BEginning of the Universe" and "The Forming of Yin and Yang" ARE indeed powerful qigong exercises. There are forms of qigong that are EXCLUSIVELY postures (standing, sitting or lying down). I used to do one of those. I would ONLY stand in various mudras (arm/hand postures) for anywhere from 10 minutes to hours.

The movements are good and can help... WHEN THEY HELP! But if they are hurting, it is like that old vaudeville joke: Guy goes to a doctor. Does some kind of movement with his arm or leg and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it hurts when I do this!".

Doctor says: "Don't do that!"

Although there is a yin/yang balance even with this joke, basically if it hurts, do something else. Focus on those things within SFQ that you CAN do.

Small Universe is the most powerful part of SFQ. Period. Master Lin even says this in the Level I course and in his book, BORN A HEALER. It is part of the reason why, in Level II, it goes up to a one hour audio of Small Universe. And in Level III, they recommend that you are doing 2 hours of Small Universe before taking Level III.

I believe Master Nance was doing something like 6-12 hours of Small Universe and other mediation every day before reaching Master level.

Last thing, but related: The Breathing of the Universe is an important movement, but really, IMHO, the MOST important parts of Breathing of the Universe is the BREATHING (well, duh, Steve! ), and the visualization of the energy coming in and out (like Universal or Cosmic CPR!). I practiced another form of qigong, Chinese Essence QIgong, where my teacher taught us a lying down meditation where all we did was the breathing and the mind stuff. There was no arm movements.

Master Lin emphasizes this "Energy Breathing" a few times throughout the entire SFQ Curriculum. He talks about it at the beginning of the entire course and at the Beginning of the Universe (or preparation section). He now incorporates it more to the preparation for Small Universe on the newer version SFQ Store CD (slightly different temp and a quieter and somewhat more laid back version. The down side is that it harder to hear the coaching at the beginning when he is chanting also. Also, he only coaches through 2 cycles, as opposed to the 3 cycles he does on the Learning Strategies).

He basically teaches to imagine the Breathing of the Universe visualization (fresh energy coming from the ends of the Universe coming in and exhaling through and from every part of the skin/body the blockage as smoke, or butterflies or whatever, leaving the body returning to the ends of the Universe). The only difference, is that instead of ONLY coming in and gathering in the lower tan tien, it gathers in each new energy area as you move around the Small Universe.

You are making progress. It is much more obvious to someone who is not inside the pain (the paper cut) than it will be to you. It is like watching a child grow up. It is more obvious to some who only sees the child at longer intervals than it will be either to the child or the parent.

Like any kind of growth, it is incremental mostly. Yes, there are growth spurts and you have had some of those from what you described. And at least with me, I know my ego then wants more of THOSE! And when I don't get them, I hear the same kinds of voices telling me "This isn't working". This happens with a lot of spiritual work. WHile we experience the "miracle" or whatever, we are so knocked out by it.

But later, the ego, consensus reality, whatever, says, "Wait a minute, that can't be right. Did that really happen? I don't think it did"

And the more we focus on that, the more true it is.

I have been there, done that, watched that video, wore that t-shirt. OR to paraphrase what Joni Mitchell wrote and sang (though Judy Collins had the hit with it), "I've looked at spiritual breakthrough from both sides now, from in an out, but still somehow, it's the breakthrough illusions I recall, I really don't know what's real...

at all!"

The good news for me (and it seems for you), is that years ago, due to that message, I would leave the practice for months and even years.

Those days are gone.

I "fall off the wagon" sometimes and it is not the best.

But it is MUCH BETTER! I never lose more than a week anymore.

Not best, but better. Better than still good, which was what I was doing years ago.

You are doing better. And your message has it throughout.

Keep up the better work!

And most important: remember to smile! Even the New Moon this month, reminded us of that!