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Hello,

Anybody out there who can advise me on the following?

For some years I’ve been working in the computer business. I started out as a trainee but soon became a manager, as I took every opportunity I got to live my ambitions. All I could think about was up, up and I succeeded in that, only to realize that this wasn’t what I really wanted. I did the logical thing and quit. I decided I needed the time to find out what I really truly wanted. Yes, the thirty-something crisis all the way. (Only I wasn’t even 30 yet…. )
Now, about 2 years later I still don’t know what to do or where to go with my life. I feel like I’m swimming around in circles without any true aim. Apart from the fact that this irritates the h… out of me I also have the feeling that it is changing me and not for the better. I used to try everything I thought would be fun or could possibly lead me to something I wanted. I felt dynamic, energetic, like I was moving. I was optimistic. For example, I went abroad for months on several occasions and never once gave a thought about plane crashes, camera’s being stolen, major league allergies, falling off horses and such. Though most of these things happened to me it never stopped me from going again.
Now it does.
Right now I feel a bit stuck, standing still. Instead of trying things I think about how they could go wrong and stop trying before I even really started. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or anything. I still go out a lot and do fun things. The above mostly concerns activities to give my life some direction, not the day-to-day activities) I’m getting very annoyed by this behaviour since it doesn’t really fit me very well. Problem is I can’t seem to change it. I sometimes feel I’m turning into such a grey mouse that I even get bored with myself!
I have tried many ways to find my goal or destiny in life but have not succeeded yet. Somebody must have hidden it extremely well…
Anyway, I was wondering (yes, I still do a lot of that…) if any of you’d know how I could find my goal in life. And maybe get back to my old self.
Maybe there are also some Paraliminals that can help me with this. If so, which ones?

Love, Angelina

Hello Angelina

Being a 32 year old male, and in the process, of being made redundant, I can understand, the feeling of loss, if that’s the right word, not knowing just where not to go, I have a passion for NLP, and creating thing’s with this technology, and lucky for me, I will be doing a host of NLP training over the next few months, so I can become and NLP trainer, yet that does not help you, yet if you bare with me, just a little, what follows might.

Consider asking your self these questions, and jot down on paper, what your answers are.

The questions are very simple and use a babe type tonality,
If I has to do one job, that make me happy what would that be?
If I has to let some body choose this job, what would I want them to choose for me?
If I has to go in to the future and read my epitaph, what would it say about the life I had?
If I has to choose, just one thing, that I am really good at, what would that be?

Can you make a find a job that fit in with what your answers are? Or can you create a business out of anything that came up?

Now I know this seems very simple in the way that I have put it across, and I really do know how frustrating, life can be when you seem to have no direction, could you write a book about, how you created your success in the computer business , could you teach, or couch someone to do the same

Paraliminals New option Generator, I think would help as it would allow to create options that you might not have thought off yet, Belief to re-train your beliefs, and up date and add some newer and better ones. New behaviour generator, the title gives it away,

Just one more quick thing, grab a business phone book close your eyes, open a page at random, now does anything on the page seem like it could be a good job to do?

May you take your best day with you always.

I would highly recommend the book by Barbara Sher "I could do anything if only I knew what it was" (full of spot on excercises and useful ideas about finding out what your talents are - you will LOVE it), the Paraliminals will help you to free your mind from psychological barriers. The best Paraliminals for you in my opinion are:
Getting around it
New Behavior generator
Automatic Pilot
New Options generator
Self esteem supercharger
Personal Manetism

Cheers
Annie

Thank you all so far for your answers. They are helpful.
However, I do have the answers to those questions but I have too many options. I have a hard time choosing the thing I really, really want without feeling that I may be missing out on the other options. There must be one thing that I like most, which'll suit me best but I can't for the life of me decide what it is.
I will try the book. I love the title...
Hope I can get hold of it here in Holland.

Love, Angie

Always remember you are not your job. It doesn't matter what your career is as long as you know who you are.

Consider the New Options Generator Paraliminal as well as the Self-Esteem Supercharger to discovering who you are and what you want from life.

Sometimes I think finding ones purpose in life is what stops us from living ON Purpose. Purpose is only a reason for doing something and it doesn't matter how long that you have that purpose that is for NOW your purpose in live. I think we all have more than one purpose and will change hats through out our life.

Remembering that it's hardest to get moving from a standing postition we need to start small and remember whatever we do may not be the ultimate purpose but for now the purpose of finding momentum. Find a way to do something for at least 5 minutes every day and let that be your purpose for now.

Alex

I find that addressing self with open ended questions is very powerful in helping people think through the process of what they wish to be, do and have. However, I also think it is important to limit the time horizon otherwise as Alex clearly states sometimes one's search for self and purpose STOPS us living ON purpose. Therefore I find these questions of value...............

In the next six to twelve months.....

If I am to stretch myself to what specifically would I wish to commit my time and my talents?

If I was truly to enjoy myself whilst achieving personal success what activities could I commit to that will be most rewarding?

If I had to make a career decision right now that would bind me for twelve months what would it be?

Of course there is the logical way of doing things listing why's and wherefores etc but most of us know intuitively what we want to be, do and have. Sometimes its a matter of listening to that inner voice.

Also have a look at www.marcusbellingham.com Marcus has written many texts but his best focuses upon discovering one's strengths and then developing these rather than focusing too much on weaknesses. If you buy the book you can do an on-line psychometric profile that focuses on 30+ choices in firmly defined competencies.

Good luck - I guess its a matter of knowing the IDENTITY you are moving towards to become whole.

Angelina,
"...but I have too many options."

Often, I feel that too. What I am playing with is contrary to what I learn about must find the ONE or I'm somehow wasting my abilities is maybe I'm like Leonardo, a Renaissance type man: scientist, artist, writer, and phil. He gave himself permission to be more than one profession. I'm sure love what he gave us in science and arts. Actually, it wasn't until 10 years ago I made the connection that Leonardo was also the Leonardo artist too. Would I love to see more art from him, you bet, same with his engineering. He wrote about the importance of savorying your food and wine and life including what I'm feeling now. Ah, that's it. By doing so, my life is no longer a problem. Thanks for posting.

Best,
Richard

Remember, this is the trance, which we choose to be. Consciously, or subconsciously. I believe you are in the trance, "I don't know what I want to do." It would probably be wise to get yourself started in a feedback loop that revolves around the statement, "What is it that I want?" Release, notice, respond, and witness.

This is a very interesting discussion. I was feeling like that a couple of years ago - I guess it happens to everyone at some point. I finished my college, started working as a web developer, changed a couple of jobs, was unemployed for a while, got back and currently working still mostly with the web but not developing anymore (although I can and once in a while I do if necessary) - doing something between business & technology. I used to wonder "what am I doing".. "is this all there is for me".. "what's the point of waking up, going to work, come back home, watch TV routing".. etc.

I think one of the problem people face is that they want to find a "job" that fulfills their need and they can move up the ladder. The question is "Would a job fulfill your need or are you in a particular field because of money and future opportunities?" If I was given an option to wake up and do anything for one whole month and get paid for whatever I do, I would never pick the option of going to my office or doing my work. Maybe I'd want to buy a car or travel or have fun with friends/family or help people.... the options are endless.

So why do we want to be fulfilled in a cubicle and decorate it so that it looks like our second home? I figure out that I have no interest in working for a company where no body cares about me and I don't care about anyone. TIME is a much more valuable commodity than MONEY and unfortunately we trade our time (in hours) to get money (salary). I started looking into other options where I do not have to be limited my number of hours or a dollar bill - I can invest my time and energy initially and build what I like so that I'll always have the time that I need and money that I want. If you look at money as a solution, you'll always run after money. I learned how to look at money as a disease - so that I can fix the money problem once and for all and go do what I like to do.

If I was asked a question a few years ago "what is the value of your life" as there are over 6 B people in the world, I wouldn't know what to say. Now I do know what to say and I have a purpose in life. Hopefully in another year from now, my money problem will be taken care of and I'll build a nice home, get a couple of nice cars, take care of my family needs AND THEN, I'll go on with my project to develop some schools and clinics in my original home country so that kids can get proper education (as opposed to 80% illiteracy rate) and people can get free medical help. I'll build a network of charitable clinics and schools back home. I find myself fulfilled when I see that my existance in this world, touched one person to have a better life, then another one, and then another one....

I believe that I can put a value on my life with the question "how many people are living a better life (hope, family, finances, ...) because of me?"

What makes you happy? Really, answer the question. If after your death, you were brought to judgement and asked what have you accomplished, what would you say?

There is a very good book that came out probably with in the last couple of months "Become Who You Were Born to Be" by Brian Souza that has examples of a lot of different people and how they went from point A to B in their lives and also a lot of questions to think about.

Oh, one other thing - I don't watch TV anymore (sometimes 1-2 hours a month) and I put that time to build a future as opposed to watching everyone else's problems and all the junks. Our brain is a gift - it is always a good idea to protect it.