Every situation is maintained by everyone doing what they have always done in that particular situation.
That is, in most problematic situations, you can pretty much predict what is going to happen and what is in the range of people's behavior.
Every reoccurring situation is a system. Each partipant in the system behaves in certain ways to keep the situation going.
One sure fire way to change a situation is to change your behavior. If you act differently, others must act differently. Another, more powerful, way is to change the way you think about a situation. Change your thoughts, beliefs, expectations, and overall viewpoint of a situation and your behaviors will follow. Your behavior will be different and the situation will be different.
Of course, some people have more of an effect on an overall situation than others, and sometimes it might not be what you'd expect.
Viewing a situation as something to play with and learn from can help.
What I am speaking of here is a situation with people involved.
Observe your normal thoughts and behaviors in the situation and notice what is outside of that range.
The Natural Brilliance system is excellent for creating results in these areas. It helps you become flexible and change difficult situations.
In family therapy, it might seem as if an overwhelming, domineering father may be the operative element in the system. However, sometimes it may be influencing the behavior of a meek child that does it.
Bandler talked about changing a family by getting a little girl to ask, "Mommy, don't you love them like you love me?" whenever the mom (who was an extremely powerful and domineering woman) was abusive to another family member.
So, keep your eyes open and experiment.
I think the more you get good at this kind of thing in ongoing situations, the more you can pull something off at the drop of the hat.
[This message has been edited by babayada (edited November 04, 2004).]