I sell a product called Alien Free. You place it in your house and it keeps the extra terrestrials out. Guaranteed or your money back. A box of five is just $295,- plus shipping and handling. They look just like regular empty coke cans with dents in them, which is terrific for fooling the aliens into thinking they're just that, empty coke cans. And they really work. I have several lying around in my house, and I haven't been abducted for ages.
In an age where more and more people report getting abducted by aliens, you just can't be too safe. My promise to you is this: Try Alien Free without risk for a month. See if you have any aliens come to your house. I bet your house is going to stay Alien Free all month. If you can document that your house has been visited by aliens while using Alien Free, you get your money back. No questions asked.
And just because I'm such a swell guy, and would hate to see you abducted by aliens, I'll make this offer even better: Order now and receive a two page special report worth $69.95,- for - you guessed it! - FREE!