Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Beyond Human What's wrong with me and how do I fix it?

My name is Matt Johnson, and I usually post over in the Spring Forest Qigong Forum. Lately, a disorder I've had for quite a while has been really bugging me; No matter what I do, it will not cease. I'm not sure why, but I've decided to post my problem here for advice. Yea, this probably doesn't make any sense, but here it goes.

First off, my memory banks are shot. For some reason I can barely recall an event without questioning whether it was just a figment of my imagination. Everything just floats away into this coma-like place in the back of mind keeping me in a dreamlike state, thus inabling me to trully grow or change as a person. Second, my mental thoughts no longer match or form my physical feelings. No matter how many nice things I tell myself, or how often I look at the bright side of things my body will always feel like crap. Before, I decided how good or bad my day was simply by deciding whether or not I was going to focus more on the positives or the negatives. Now it no longer matters what I focus on, my body will not cooperate. Lastly, I can no longer sense people's feelings, at all; I hate this part the most. If I can't sense what a person is thinking or feeling, then I can never say or do the right thing to affect their mood accordingly. Interacting with people is a total chore now, nothing but a constant swing-and-miss scenario everytime I open my mouth.

Well, there ya' go. I can barely remember what I wrote so I'm just going to assume it's right and hope for some good responses. Thankyou.

You seem to have a real problem there. Just from what you've said so far you seem to have a physical problem that is affecting you psychologicaly/neurologicaly. I'm just guessing of course, but I wonder if you're seeing a health professional about this? What's the disorder?

Cheers!

Have you seen a physician about this?

If it is psychological, it may be because you are dissociating from a trauma of some sort.

I remember when my brother got hit by a car and was put into a coma, nothing around me seemed real. I slipped into solipsism. That is, I felt like the world around me and everyone in it were figments of my imagination, products of my mind. Because reality was painful for me, I think I was trying to protect myself from it by removing myself from it.

In any case, you shouldn't go through this alone. Go see a doctor.

Matt,

I was reading a magazine a couple of days ago with an article about autism, you describe sounds like autistic thinking.

Obviously this isn't very helpful to you and it's probable that it's clear off the mark. It just struck me that your post described some similarities to the description of what people with autism experience.

I too must echo the suggestion that you get the help of a professional to better understand what you are dealing with. Without knowing the cause (could even be an allergy,) there is no alternative techniques you could try to solve the problem. So get a doctor to help you pin point the cause and then you'll have something to focus on correcting.

AlexK

[This message has been edited by Alex K. Viefhaus (edited March 24, 2004).]

Hi Matt,

To add to the previous messages... Do you know what you are going to do with you life? What are your goals/wishes/etc... in life? Since you have been doing SFQ you must have had some kind of goals in doing it. Check if any of those goals accidentally "caused" your present condition. ?

Because... Unconscious minds are sometimes "stupid" they can understand your good intentions in an entirely different way. Unconscious minds take the meaning of words very literally.

Some people talk about well-formed goals. I guess that's what I'm talking about, too.

Anyway, this is just a guess, and you definitely need help before you can dive in this. I wish you luck, you'll need it!

Be well,

-purjo

Nacho, I like the others would like to help you. However, I'm concerned that a few forum posts are insufficient for what sounds like a serious problem. Finding some help in the real world sounds like a very good idea.

If you problem is the result of your beliefs manifesting, then I believe you can change your state very quickly. However, as my experience shows Can and Doing are different.

One thing that keeps come back to me from the Summer Retreat is how we limit ourselves by trances (beliefs). I see a lot of that limiting self talk in your post above. I have wondered along the same lines a purjo, that maybe your desired state or personal model isn't exactly what you consciously want. I could also be that your desired state is just fine, but you have Other beliefs that are working against your goal. We don't generate self-defeating behaviour without a reason, maybe not a logical reason but one into which our minds puts and lot of energy (value).

I can't help but remember your negative energy thread from early last fall, on the SFQ forum. Another thought comes to mind and that's the Master Lin says that people have different levels of sensitivity to energy. Some require single visits, others multiple, still others multi-modal treatment (SFQ and western and other alternative). Putting these ideas and this thread together, I'll echo the first statement and suggest you get more help than just this forum.

I know that asking for help is one my weakness. I called Master Lin, just yesterday, and couldn't bring myself to ask for help. You make sure you get all the help you need.

You are perfection.
Iam2

I've talked to normal people, they don't understand. I've met with physchologists/iatrists, they suck. Not a single person I knew before this experience happened ever once bothered to ask what was wrong with me; like they just thought I was ignoring them or something - I wish I knew what they were thinking. I've visited Master Lin 3 times and never once did I feel better... maybe I'm just expecting too much. My problem is a spiritual/mental one, most people however only like to focus on the physical. You guys seem more open-minded though, like maybe even if I don't find a solution to this at least I'll have a better understanding of it. I don't know, I just need someone to talk too. Sorry, if this wasn't the answer you were looking for.

[This message has been edited by Nacho (edited March 24, 2004).]

I'm curious, How much time do you spend doing SFQ and other meditations in total in a day?

Also have you started an exercise program lately that is longer than 30 minutes a day like running or jogging?

Alex

I practice Qigong every day from 11:00 to 1:00. When I was in highschool I would workout every weekday for about 35-40 minutes.

2 hours solid of qigong? this doesn't by a chance leave you feeling kind of high does it?

Alex