What do you want to do, Sjaykum1?
Are you familiar with anchoring?
One activity I like to do is to go through my life and remember the times I felt the best. I collect all the good memories, all the good feelings, and link them together. I cycle through them again and again, and I look at them for common themes.
If you do this with your successes, the times you faced challenges and won, or even the times you lost but survived it and learned ... you might find some themes, confidence, and motivation that will help you with your current problem.
You might also be pleased to know that it is becoming more and more common for people to move from job to job, not staying at any one in particular place of employment or even type of job. I believe the statistic is now 12 jobs per person per lifetime.
I am 35. I am basically a career student. I have had some work for a number of years, but nothing serious or long-term. The longest job I held was doing IT stuff for 3 years in the corporate environment (which I hate). Most of my time has been spent being educated. I prefer it to work, but you gotta work ta gets da moneys.
Anyway, what I am learning the longer I live is how naive my notions of myself were, and how I have to come to terms with expectations formed at younger ages. It's humbling, but I think it is also very good. I found I am capable of a lot of evil that I never thought I could or would do. I am also aware that a lot is a produce of choice, and it is very scary to face the kinds of choices we can really make, because they do have consequences. Anyone can be an evil person, and being good is often hard. It is, of course, easy to be negligent, but that in and of itself is a form of evil, and can be responsible for creating great evil over time.
Anyway, because you feel the way you do, you are better off than you think. What you're in is a stage of development. Your current feelings will spur you to move on and grow in ways you might not discover the true nature of for years to come.... But I am sure you'll find them worthwhile.
I know it sucks to feel the way you do, I have been there and will probably be there again, but you can go out on a limb and take a risk. Just figure out something you really want to try and go for it. It might not end up perfect. It might end up in failure. But it will be part of your life and part of experiences you have had because YOU made a choice for yourself.
[This message has been edited by babayada (edited April 02, 2004).]
