Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Beyond Human a fear of a fear of a fear or ... what?

Hmmm... I was going to change the title of this message "Things have changed (like this title)" but it seems it's not possible. Well anyway, Here's what I want to say:

last Friday I wrote this message to state my position as clearly as possible and to propel me further. it has served its purpose well.

The original message:

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Today something strange happened… I was at my working place, waiting for a meeting where I was supposed to be the leader …and I typically started to develop a stress which I have before every event where I have a major role. It's a stress like I can't do anything, I can't think anything. This happens also when I try to write something that I feel it's my own work and I want to do it very much and I'm proud of it.

So, I was there sitting in my working room and developing and suffering an incredible stress. I thought that I have to do something. I felt that my feelings at the moment were not the basic source of the stress but it was something a couple of steps further. Sort of I was afraid of a fear of a fear of something. And so I noticed that I had a hazy picture of the original thing that I feared and took the mental image and put it I front of my feet and made it smaller. … and what do you think I saw?!!?? The image was about a baby's feeding bottle!!! I was afraid of a baby's feeding bottle!! What do you think about that…

Anyway, I noticed that my fear started to diminish when I looked at the image in front of my feet. I could even feel some relief. Phew! -And the I started noticing that all the fear was not gone, there was some left. (But I was able to concentrate on the meeting.)

Now the meeting is over and I want something more! You see, I don't want to relive this anymore! Things are sort of mixed up in my head and there is some fear left. And I know that if things are left like this I will feel the same stress again in the future in a similar situation. Obviously there is some more steps to be cleared, maybe it was a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of something, or even a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of something, or even more…. I don't know right now. I wish I knew how to make this "something" different! It may have something to do with that I sometimes have difficulties speaking, writing and even thinking with words or sounds. I may be afraid of a certain voice or sound. In that case that voice or sound is resonating all the time in my body, I can feel it. Could I get rid of it? Or is that sound the origin of the chain?

I'm sorry if this message is not too clear. But it clearly (!) reflects my state right now. Yes, I want things to be clear organized and well-defined.

I may add that I've been doing a couple of months SFQ and this week stopped it to listen to Richard Bandler's Your own personal genius cds. I must also add that none of these things happened because of SFQ or NLP, the feelings I described have been with me as long as I remember. I'm sort of relieved that finally I have reached so close to the bottom. And I sincerely hope that things will get easier for me!!!

purjo

[This message has been edited by purjo (edited August 16, 2004).]

I might also add that my unconscious mind has been protecting me from these feelings all my life. That's why they have been so difficult to understand.

Get Awareness by Anthony DeMello. Also Working on yourself doesn't work. Your getting in your own way man. The body/mind has it's own natural intelligence to guide you through anything you intend to do, make the intention, and then trust the workings of your spontaneous body/mind. By nature the Emotions constantly move and shift, but when you critically evaluate them and label them they get stuck. Drop the evaluation and formula. Be Aware. Everything else falls into place.

BTW science has discovered that your "unconscious mind" is really just your body and the sum of all it's nerve receptors. Hence the term in somatic science "body memories". Be in your body, locate where your feelings are in your body, put your hand on them, breath deep and let the energy go where it wants to go. Noncritical awareness of your self and your surroundings it being alive and lets your energy flow. Ofcourse it all may sound like mumbo till you've experienced it yourself. Peace.

BTW science has discovered that your "unconscious mind" is really just your body and the sum of all it's nerve receptors. Hence the term in somatic science "body memories". Be in your body, locate where your feelings are in your body, put your hand on them, breath deep and let the energy go where it wants to go. Noncritical awareness of your self and your surroundings is being alive and lets your energy flow. Ofcourse it all may sound like mumbo till you've experienced it yourself. Peace.

Oh and BTW by the time you've successfully analyzed yourself you'd probably be in so much stress from all the prying at yourself that it wouldn't be worth, you'll also find that your evalution will be based on assumptions and not match the dynamic movement of life within you and around you. Words cannot pin down something that is by nature dymanic and infinitely complex. Man I've been there, the depression, even almost suicidal at one point, and I'm out of it now. And let me tell you I feel great and it didn't happen be critical evalution/analyzation/or having a neat little construct of what was "wrong" with me. A good life just happens when you surrender, this is life, and any resistance of it is death. When you get in your own way you take years off your life for all the stress, and the reasons for this stress will on your death bed very much be seen invalid and groundless. I feel great and you know what? I still don't know, I never will, but I'm happy, and I'm telling you there really is no way to happiness(which leads to success, peace of mind,true relationships)Happiness is the way, and you do this simply with Noncritical Awareness of yourself and your surroundings. Then your mind works effortlessly, and your body moves with poise and smoothness, contemplate what you want and the universe will give it to use. But first surrender, Awareness.

ShaneXE,

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them. They remind me of the support I got from AgentB on the SFQ forum.

After I wrote the message I have found out from books about chinese medicine that my symptoms are most probably causd by an imbalance of chi in spleen. I did not find this out as a result of logical reasoning, but by intuition, and i strongly feel that it is right. I trust my feeling. as far as I remember this is the first time i have felt so sure of something. I know that people can deceive themselves by being sure about things, but this not the case now. I can say that I've been seeking this feeling of being sure some time now. I can feel that it is a very valuable feeling.

... Funny how this message turned to be different from what I was going to write....

-purjo, today with

P.S. Shane, Your comments also tell me that it's time to go back practicing SFQ....

[This message has been edited by purjo (edited August 17, 2004).]

Good to hear it Purjo.

Thanks, Shane.

I really think I've reached the downhill part in my life, meaning that all things from now on will be easy as going downhill. I was going uphill until last spring. then I ordered the SFQ course. In one week I knew that the uphill part of life was over for me. For some time things were sort of difficult, but then I got wonderful support from AgentB In SFQ forum. Things have been getting easier and easier. I feel better and better. I'm having the time of my life.

-purjo