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I am figuring you guys would have some insights into this. I have this tendency and it is has become an addiction and habit like the ones smokers cant quit.

My mind constantly thinks about how someone wronged me and I need to get even in some way. How someone ruined my life and I got to teach them a lesson. Or if I knew this I would do that. Or that I was stupid on that occassion or at that time.

I am constantly thinking so and so needs a good beating. I think how can a relative do this.

I try and forget and forgive but when I am down, these thoughts come up and I cant seem to make them go away.

I was wondering if you guys recommend a paraliminal called New History to help the mind think more positive throughout the day.

BTW, this reminds of Emmet Fox's 10 day challenge of only thinking about GOD and if you do that than he says all your problems can be solved. Tony Robbins had almost the same thing called the 10 day mental challenge. I was wondering if anyone tried doing this. I will say one thing it seems like almost impossible to go 10 days without a negative thought unless you are at a retreat for 10 days and your life is structured nothing but meditation.

I guess I am thinking maybe the New History paraliminal would be for me.

Parag






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Hi Parag:

Definitely give New History Generator a good go - I found it quite helpful, combined with using Sedona, to let go of past hurts and trauma's, and put in better scenarios for my mind to use. It enabled me to also then release on the need to even forgive, which at times I think gets in the way of actually forgiving. If you're still at the point where you see a need to forgive, you are still holding onto the reason why you think forgiveness is necessary.

You might also try a reminder system, so that when you find your mind wandering into unproductive thought territory, you can bring yourself back to reframing it into a positive statement, or corrective statement. One such reminder system is to wear an elastic band on your non-dominant wrist - and when you find yourself going down the slippery slope, snap it hard and say "My thinking on this is now changed to..{blah, blah}..and input the way you really want to be looking at things. Or you can just immediately release, and keep releasing until you move into a more positive emotion.

It might be helpful to block off a day (or even a solid chunk of one day) a few times per month where you keep your activities to a minimum and just witness what you are thinking, journal this, release, listen to a few paraliminals to work on areas you feel would be helpful - sort of a spa-day for the mind. Just arrange to turn the phone off, lose the TV remote control and cover up the computer monitor and key-board. Make a few preparations for quick access to food, and just be with yourself. It isn't always necessary to go for long retreats to get benefits - just decide it's for your best, and do it on your own.

Hope this helps.

Cheers!
Unis






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Hi Sjaykum, tell you what i would recommend is doing something called the five tibetan rites, its a yoga routine which helps you physically, mentally and spiritually, i have also suffered from the problems you talk off, extreme anger and wanting revenge on those who i perceived had wronged me in someway or another, and i was constantly plotting my revenges, but doing the rites has really let me let go of a lot of this anger, give it a go i reckon you'll like it, its easy and only takes 10 mins or so and the benefits extend themselves to all aspects of your life!!!!!!
heres some links for you to get you started
http://www.thepdi.com/five_rites_of_rejuvenation.htm
http://www.lifeevents.org/5-tibetans-energy-rejuvenation-exercises.htm







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Try humor. If someone has ticked you off, there must be something humorous about it, right? A good laugh often dispels some of the worst moods.

Another thing that I found helpful when I had some serious anger issues over a truly serious wrong was a drill from Donna Eden's "Energy Medicine" called "Expelling the Venom." I've seen similar drills in QiGong.

No matter how seriously you've been wronged in an incident, there is no point in wronging yourself still more by carrying that anger around.






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Jeanne, you reminded me of a saying in my QiGong group;

"A grudge is poison you wish on someone else, but you drink yourself"

Sjaykun1, I think your intuition is right- New History generator. I think it is my most used CD out of them all. Like Unis, I am also a big fan of Sedona. The books are inexpensive, and the audio course is well worth it!

Long long ago, I had a painful break-up and the more I tried to forget her, the more she was on my mind. Finaly, I decided to remember- and choose what and how to remember. Letting go of trying to forget her paradoxicaly cleared the way to free myself of the unpleasant memories.

vitaman






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"A grudge is poison you wish on someone else, but you drink yourself"

That really says it, doesn't it? Thanks, VitaMan!






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In relation to this topic...has anyone read The Power of Now by Eckhardt Tolle, or better yet his new book A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose?
After reading the first one I ran right out and bought the next. I found them both to be very powerful and transformational...I would say I found more peace following his suggestions than in everything else I have ever tried put together!! One thing it is good for (honoring the Now, that is) is to quiet that annoying voice inside your head that wont stop spewing negative and destructive thoughts. What you find after you get into the habit, (which happens almost immediately,I might add) is you start noticing your "mind's behavior" and laughing at yourself, as in, "...there I go again, duh!" Before you know it the behavior has fallen away...because you consciously recognize it and realize its destructiveness in your life. I highly, highly, highly recommend these books. Has anyone else had a similar experience?






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Here's an NLP forgiveness pattern from:
http://www.nlpskills.com/Forgiveness.html

Copy & Paste it into a Word Document, and then Photoread it several times.

This exercise assumes you see the value in forgiving as in "forgiving does the most for the one forgiving."

Here is the exercise:

Think of two people; one you like very much, and a second person you dislike. Do an ecology check. You can ask, "Is there any reason that it would not be OK to feel better about the "disliked" person or feel worse about the "liked" person." Pick someone else if there is some reason it would not be OK.

Assuming there is no reason, now, think of the two people simultaneously. Notice how you represent these people differently as you continue to think about them simultaneously. How do you represent these two people? Elicit the submodalities. Where are the two represented spatially, up, down, left, right and near or far, etc? Is one image larger or smaller? Elicit auditory sounds, voices, and conversations including volume, voice tone, etc.? Elicit kinesthetic or
feeling representations including temperature, pressure, texture, etc. Notice the submodalities of each.

Try switching the positions of the two. If that works, good. Some people can't do this right away. So, assuming you want to continue in the process, find a way to satisfy the objections. Find out what the
positive intent and purpose of keeping the anger, shame, resentment, disappointment, embarrassment, or whatever in place. What does that do for you? You may need to reframe the positive intent as a way to keep you safe, or so they don't do it again, etc. Ask yourself if, "When you make the change permanent, you will have satisfied your objections in such a way that you feel completely comfortable and safe with the changes."

So, here is the place I get curious about your process regardless of whichever place you find yourself in the exercise. What is happening for you as you do this exercise? Do not continue unless you congruently want to forgive and see the positive benefits at this point.

THE FORGIVENESS PATTERN
This pattern is adapted from work by Steve Andreas and it is only one of the ways that Forgiveness can be address in NLP. Here is the pattern:

Access 2 people:
Think of someone you have already forgiven.
Think of someone you are still angry with or resentful of and whom you have not forgiven.
Hold both representations simultaneously (at the same time).
Notice the submodalities of each and their relationship to one another as in:
Visual – describe where they are in your field of vision (up-down-left-right). Are they near or far, big or small, bright or dim, black and white or color, etc.
Auditory – describe any sounds as in: loud or quiet, whiny, scratchy, pauses, cadence, rhythm, etc.
Kinesthetic – Where do you feel it in your body. Describe the internal feeling or emotion and whether more or less intensity, or pressure, smooth, rough or neutral, warmer or cooler, including any way you might describe them by aromas and tastes as in sweet, sour, delicious, stale, etc.
When you have fully explored the submodalities, transpose or switch the representations. Move one into the position of the other.
Notice any resistance or objections to switching the two representations.
Negotiate or reframe any objections that come up at this until the switch is acceptable.
Add resources. Find new behaviors that would provide at least as good or better benefits than you got from the old behavior that was protecting you or making you feel powerful, getting even, maintaining distance, etc.
Remember to thank the old behavior for protecting you and appreciate what it was trying to do for you fully.
Notice the submodality changes of having the two representations switched.
Make the changes permanent.
Ask yourself, “Is there any problem with making the changes permanent?”
Check inside yourself and allow yourself to notice the changes in the way you feel toward each person and how the submodalities have changed.
Note: It is possible to forgive the person and still maintain the good feelings or restore the feelings toward the already forgiven person.

Anchor the feelings of forgiveness toward the person you have now forgiven.
Remind yourself that changing the feelings to forgiveness does not mean that you condone the behavior that you had not forgiven. And allow yourself to know that you are safe and confident and you have new resources to deal with anything that might happen in the future. You can say no to any future harm.
Go into the future about a week. Associate to some moment and specific place in that future and looking back realize in the week that has passed, you have experienced no anger, hurt, etc. Now, go out farther into the future (one year for example) and check the experience of having forgiven after a longer period of time. When you are satisfied the changes are in place and allow yourself to feel those feelings, bring those feelings back to the present.
Describe your feelings toward the person you have just forgiven. (anchor the changes)


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Something that starts to happen when I forgive is I start seeing the other person's positive intentions and to seeing their motivation in the best light as possible. Giving back the other person their full dignity and receiving your own at the same time, is quite a challenge though.

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I think this might be the original version of the pattern:
http://www2.hawaii.edu/~lady/archive/forgiveness.html







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