Here's an NLP forgiveness pattern from: http://www.nlpskills.com/Forgiveness.html
Copy & Paste it into a Word Document, and then Photoread it several times.
This exercise assumes you see the value in forgiving as in "forgiving does the most for the one forgiving."
Here is the exercise:
Think of two people; one you like very much, and a second person you dislike. Do an ecology check. You can ask, "Is there any reason that it would not be OK to feel better about the "disliked" person or feel worse about the "liked" person." Pick someone else if there is some reason it would not be OK.
Assuming there is no reason, now, think of the two people simultaneously. Notice how you represent these people differently as you continue to think about them simultaneously. How do you represent these two people? Elicit the submodalities. Where are the two represented spatially, up, down, left, right and near or far, etc? Is one image larger or smaller? Elicit auditory sounds, voices, and conversations including volume, voice tone, etc.? Elicit kinesthetic or
feeling representations including temperature, pressure, texture, etc. Notice the submodalities of each.
Try switching the positions of the two. If that works, good. Some people can't do this right away. So, assuming you want to continue in the process, find a way to satisfy the objections. Find out what the
positive intent and purpose of keeping the anger, shame, resentment, disappointment, embarrassment, or whatever in place. What does that do for you? You may need to reframe the positive intent as a way to keep you safe, or so they don't do it again, etc. Ask yourself if, "When you make the change permanent, you will have satisfied your objections in such a way that you feel completely comfortable and safe with the changes."
So, here is the place I get curious about your process regardless of whichever place you find yourself in the exercise. What is happening for you as you do this exercise? Do not continue unless you congruently want to forgive and see the positive benefits at this point.
THE FORGIVENESS PATTERN
This pattern is adapted from work by Steve Andreas and it is only one of the ways that Forgiveness can be address in NLP. Here is the pattern:
Access 2 people:
Think of someone you have already forgiven.
Think of someone you are still angry with or resentful of and whom you have not forgiven.
Hold both representations simultaneously (at the same time).
Notice the submodalities of each and their relationship to one another as in:
Visual describe where they are in your field of vision (up-down-left-right). Are they near or far, big or small, bright or dim, black and white or color, etc.
Auditory describe any sounds as in: loud or quiet, whiny, scratchy, pauses, cadence, rhythm, etc.
Kinesthetic Where do you feel it in your body. Describe the internal feeling or emotion and whether more or less intensity, or pressure, smooth, rough or neutral, warmer or cooler, including any way you might describe them by aromas and tastes as in sweet, sour, delicious, stale, etc.
When you have fully explored the submodalities, transpose or switch the representations. Move one into the position of the other.
Notice any resistance or objections to switching the two representations.
Negotiate or reframe any objections that come up at this until the switch is acceptable.
Add resources. Find new behaviors that would provide at least as good or better benefits than you got from the old behavior that was protecting you or making you feel powerful, getting even, maintaining distance, etc.
Remember to thank the old behavior for protecting you and appreciate what it was trying to do for you fully.
Notice the submodality changes of having the two representations switched.
Make the changes permanent.
Ask yourself, Is there any problem with making the changes permanent?
Check inside yourself and allow yourself to notice the changes in the way you feel toward each person and how the submodalities have changed.
Note: It is possible to forgive the person and still maintain the good feelings or restore the feelings toward the already forgiven person.
Anchor the feelings of forgiveness toward the person you have now forgiven.
Remind yourself that changing the feelings to forgiveness does not mean that you condone the behavior that you had not forgiven. And allow yourself to know that you are safe and confident and you have new resources to deal with anything that might happen in the future. You can say no to any future harm.
Go into the future about a week. Associate to some moment and specific place in that future and looking back realize in the week that has passed, you have experienced no anger, hurt, etc. Now, go out farther into the future (one year for example) and check the experience of having forgiven after a longer period of time. When you are satisfied the changes are in place and allow yourself to feel those feelings, bring those feelings back to the present.
Describe your feelings toward the person you have just forgiven. (anchor the changes)
Something that starts to happen when I forgive is I start seeing the other person's positive intentions and to seeing their motivation in the best light as possible. Giving back the other person their full dignity and receiving your own at the same time, is quite a challenge though.