Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Genius Code I'm scared

Note:I have the genius code, photoreading, and memory optimizer courses

I'm scared that if I go too far I may lose my mind.
Maybe I want to lose some things, but others, well, hmm, they're a part of me.

If I were to lose everything I have known, then what has justified my existence thus far.

I'm sitting in purgatory at the moment, and have done for some timePerhaps we are always in constant purgatory until we self-realise.Yes it's purgatory, because it's making me suffer.Yet now I am on the brink, I'm standing on the edge of the cliff with one foot over it, balancing on the edge.
It's like that scene at the end of vanilla sky when he'sd eciding whether to jump off the skyscraper, that's just how I'm feeling.

I have an inner feeling that if I step over and let myself 'fall' then I'll be ok, in fact more than ok, I will really progress more than I can even imagine now.

However, I'm worried about what I'll lose.

I think I have been, and am in this process for a while, in fact maybe since forever, though I'm much more conscious of it these days.

It's odd, but little triggers, things I've noticed, have made me aware of this change.

I watched a film the other day that used to make me fall about with laughter.However, the film had very little effect one me at all.
Perhaps this was just one of those days, and I wasn't in the mood, but I think it's more than that.
In other circumstances, the same effect has happened.I'm finding that I have totally different reactions than I had before, in the same situation.

Now sure, in some circumstances, that's a good thing.I am thrilled with this, because I am becoming more aware of how I react.

What I'm gettin at here, is that as I 'fall' let myself 'go' 'lose sight of the shore to seek enw lands' or whatever, I have no choice about what I will gain or lose.
Sure I can affirm over and over and over what it is I want, but how can I be absolutely sure this is what will happen.
Paul says 'Go Boldly' but you know, I'm petrified!
Not of image streaming, or describing what I see, no it's a lot more than that.

I honestly feel like jumping, like falling, but what are the consequences?
LSC can't guarantee that it'll be all good, or all bad, can they? well they may reassure me, but the reassurance has to come from within, and I don't have it yet.

A good analogy is from when I was a kid and we went on school visits to old castles in Wales.
I remember standing on top of one of the turrets and looking down.I had an overriding urge to jump, so much so that I had to quickly check myself and run down the old steps.
You see, I knew the effect jumping would have.I would have probably died!
Though this didn't diminish my urge to jump, why is that? what's going on there? in my mind.

Perhaps this is where I'm getting my fear from.it's from the physical world, the castle turret.
But then, is there much differenc ebetween the physical and the mental/spiritual.
People can get mentally ill, just like they get injured when they fall.

I don't know really.I feel like I'm on the brink of soemthing, some major change.I know deep within it's for the better, though i'm still scared.

Help me out before I go mad!

wow you have a lot going on inside you brain, buy your self a rope and a safty net, the ropes being just dip your toes over the egde, play about with just one course, at a time, the safty net is just leave them alone, you can't lose anything in a real sense, as all you have to do is not use the programms, and wase all that money, yet its also just like going into higher education, you start out, not knowing much about the subjects your learning about, yet over time you get to master thoses subjects, just like all of the LSC progammes, you start out with not being able to read at lighting speeds, then you play, learn and adapt, and make the process your own, and before long, you can get through a text book in 15 hours where it used to take 70-90 hours, the only thing you lose, is what should I do with all the extra time?

What do you think would happen if you did nothing?

What do you think would happen if you just mastered just one of the programms?

Keep both feet on the ground, keep your head on your shoulders, and ask your self this question, Does this feel right good and safe, it you answer yes then you will be fine.

Where ever you go you take yourself with you, (even into madness if that's where you go) Who's to say being mad is a bad thing? For many of us being sane is maddening or frustrating or bewildering or enough to make you want to pull your hair out or...

The fear of losing ones mind is natural and usually surfaces when one is stressed.

The desire to jump off a cliff or high point when we are standing there is also normal. Weird but normal. Perhaps in some dark past we were able to fly or our minds mirror or connect with that of birds and we experience what they do the moment before they set to fly.

Alex

[This message has been edited by Alex K. Viefhaus (edited May 02, 2005).]

You're right, I agree, there is no definition of 'madness' really.It's just a perception I suppose.

I believe the jumping off a tower of something, is akin to our ancestors taking leaps in evolution.I'm in touch with my primal instincts like that.

quote:

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Where ever you go you take yourself with you

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This is the essence of what I'm trying to egt at in this post, and what I've been feeling.

You see, who am I? what constitutes my existence? Simply my body?
It'll still be my body, even if my mind changes, so people will be able to recognize me, even though from within my mind I may not be able to recognize them!

quote:

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What do you think would happen if you just mastered just one of the programms?

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I don't know.I'm laying my tracks as I go.

quote:

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What do you think would happen if you did nothing?

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I would die of starvation.

This is a process, I feel like I'm getting at the source of a lot of it now.The body/mind concept is making more sense to me than anything I've read about it, it's just making some kind of sense from within.
It's like the work I've put in, the committment, it's all coming together.Going through these courses multiple times.It's like a load of tiny explosions are setting off in my brain and everythings coming together.

quote:

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wow you have a lot going on inside you brain

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Of course I do.

umm... no offense intended, but I had a friend who used to talk like you and he was skitzopherinic (hmm... how DOES one spell that?). So you might wanna get that checked out. No offense intended though if you're not. (My friend was actually a really smart, really amazing guy until he, somewhat like you, got so freaked out by similar feelings that he capped himself simply so that he didn't have to face them...)
I dunno... you're probably not though.

I'm curious though... Do you realize that expression of personality/individuality and the actual "person" are the same? (Ie, in order to change behaviour the person must change.) I suppose you would after doing those course though... And, like you say, you can only change as an expression of what is in your mind, even if it the product of having something induced (photo reading, genius code or memory optimizer) so perhaps what you should try to do is make yourself as objectively rational as possible. For example, do you want to laugh at that movie or do you want to jump off that tower? Which one could you define as being better. Perhaps trying to shift your focus to what can be objectively defined as safe and rational would make you feel more secure, while also meaning that the changes that you incorporate into your life and subconscious products of the same rational process therefore making them feel 'safer'.
(sorry for not errorchekcingdfsd)

dear flex22

i hope my response isn't too late for you to read.
it's been just over a month that you posted your original message.

first, i want to suggest that having someone non-judgmental to bounce
some of your fears off of is a good idea.
you may benefit greatly just knowing they are there to support you.
this could be a psychologist trained in dealing with "spititual emergencies", if you will.
a termed coined by stanislov grof.
jungian, cognitive therapists are wonderful in my opinion.

now, onto the subject of losing your mind.
you may very well be losing it,
but consider that it may only be your mind "as you know it".
OR, your "ideas" of what life is as you know it.
apparently they do not work anymore and it's time to dump them.

eight years ago i too was terrified i was on my way to "crazy".
in fact, i'd always had this fear tucked away, but close enough to send me
into a panic whenever i entertained that circling pack of thoughts for too long.
i had embarked on a path toward self awareness with great commitment and excitement,
but was coming up against old patterns, habits and beliefs, all very strong, very solidified.
frankly, a great part of me had no intention of giving those up.
if i let go of my neuroses, who would i be? my humor, my art was my tied into my neurotic self.
i remember confesing to my mother that i was deeply afraid of losing my mind.
her only reply was, "good"

the truth is, you must go within and trust that you will be okay.
you WILL be okay. you ARE okay. you have ALWAYS been okay.
actually, more than "okay".
the struggle you encounter arises from how hard you are trying to "hold on" to what you believe is Reality, your truth.
phrases like "get a grip" come to mind. you need to do the opposite. let go.
holding on makes you uptight, controlling, fearful.

let go.
if not completely, then little by little. yes, it is scary.
it can very, very uncomfortable, but ultimately your system will find its balance again and you will feel good.
you must trust your being and not allow your "mind" take over with all its thoughts.
THAT will drive you crazy and instill fear.
trust yourself and NOT your thoughts in this case.
i know that must sound weird, but i hope you get what i am saying here.
your note definitely shows how much you live in your head.
and that, my friend, is what is terrifying you.

things you can do to help you stop over-thinking and over-analyzing are:::
1) DIET
- are you eating properly?
- minimize or eliminate alcohol altogether during this time.
- decrease intake of processed foods/sugar.
your mood will even out nore if you eat less refined foods.
2) SLEEP
- you must rest-- very, very important.
if this means exercise more to get you tired, then do so.
3) MEDITATE
- i don't know what kind of meditation you do, but i would do one where you focus on your heart chakra and visualize yourself rooted to the earth through your feet along the length of your body and like a strong column in the center.
- if not, then do an activity you are familiar with that grounds you.
4) BE GOOD TO YOURSELF
- take walks, go to nature, a park, vist the ocean.
this activities calm you, especially when you are near water.
- and do not try to figure this out with your head.
5)DO NOT FOCUS on what is wrong, but FOCUS on what is RIGHT with you.

barring anything chemical going on with your system, you are moving forward, evolving, but your mind,
strong as it is, does not want to let go of the status quo.
know that you are changing, metamorphosing and ride the wave.
just remember, you will be okay.
again, if you can, try to get support from a non-traditional therapist at least during this time just in case you need to hear a human voice to provide a familiar hand.

i speak from my own experience and hope what i have written will be of help.

with kindness,
nushi

About doing too much and fear of losing your mind:
My thoughts: take a break from all this work. Focus on only *one* self-development course at this time. Call up Learning Strategies for coaching if this fear persists.
One other thought:A certain amount of stress develops because one does not accept where one is at. I like the process that is part of the course Learning Strategies offers called "Effort-Free Living." I'm working on that course, and finding that I automatically am developing new ways of thinking about the acceptance they talk about.
Finally, if you'd like to say Hi, I'm at moochy_hope@yahoo.com
best wishes,
Mike

Interesting replies, thanks!

nushi, thanks for the long and informative post, I liked it a lot

I will add you guys to my messenger, whoever has that feature.

Thanks!