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24-years-old
crap college degree
no direction
few interests
floating around, no job, ive had 25 jobs.
live at home
cant get job pushing carts anymore? do'h.

anyone save themselves from this condition? will the tangerine technique help? no.






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"crap college degree"
I never knew there was such a thing.

"no direction"
In what area?

"few interests"
What are the few interests you do have?


"floating around, no job, ive had 25 jobs.
live at home"
Are you out looking for a new job right now?








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"crap college degree"
I never knew there was such a thing.
---> yes, there is. its call sociology. i graduated with it just to graduate.

"no direction"
In what area?
----> any area. no direction. unless you count down down down. down is a direction.

"few interests"
What are the few interests you do have?
----> women, beer, playing around with video cameras, hockey.


"floating around, no job, ive had 25 jobs.
live at home"
Are you out looking for a new job right now?
----> yeah. cart pusher. didnt get it. moohahahahahaha. i couldnt get a cart pusher job. moohahahahaha.







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i have experience pushing carts too! i did it for a year!

and i didnt get the cart pushing job! moohahahahahaahhaha. im laughing my head off.






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I know the feeling. Hey at least you got to college. I dropped out of high school (even after learning PR!) and now I'm sittin at home telling myself to get a job. I think I'll start college, but right now I'm too lazy to even brush my teeth. Anyone have a magic bullet?






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Well, I would suggest finding some way to get to a film academy, and/or break into the film business somehow. Of course, you'll need a day job.

Go out, and try waiting for four different job calls at once. Something will turn up. Go out there everyday and look for something new. Whatever you can take, take it, but also make sure you give consideration to what you could get that might give you slightly higher pay.

Then again, I'm just 14, so what do I know?

Just a thought,
youngprer






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quote:
Originally posted by astrowill:
I know the feeling. Hey at least you got to college. I dropped out of high school (even after learning PR!) and now I'm sittin at home telling myself to get a job. I think I'll start college, but right now I'm too lazy to even brush my teeth. Anyone have a magic bullet?


I know! GET UP OFF YOUR LAZY %$$, AND GO TO COLLEGE! College is way more fun than you'll ever have at highschool. Believe me. Take all the classes that you can that interest you.







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the only answer college gave me was to the question of "what do you do?"

"oh, i go to school."

if youre interested in school, make sure you fill out the fafsa form with-in the next few months. you can do it online. school was a waste for me, but thats b/c i had no purpose.

also, if school isnt for you right now, check out the student conservation association. ill likely be working on park trails this summer through them (drunk wilderness girls), so thats another possibility for you fellow lost person.

academy/college isnt the answer for me right now. im not getting any further in debt. at least, not where i stand today. i am filling out the fasa form in case i change my mind.

brushing is a pain. ive found brushing while half asleep in the shower a good solution.

there must be a former loser turned successful person who can help? suggestions? do it for me and give me the success? testify!!!






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Uhm, do what for you is probly the next question up on the list?

Forgot to ask but, what do you like doing or what are you interested in?

[This message has been edited by krisk (edited January 04, 2003).]






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quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
there must be a former loser turned successful person who can help? suggestions? do it for me and give me the success? testify!!!

I'm considered both. Does that count?






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quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
do it for me and give me the success? testify!!!

No one can do it for you... No one can make someone else's goals

You need to make a goal... your own goal.

Great you didn't get the trolly pushing job... it's the universes way of saying raise your aspirations.

If you don't have a career goal find one. Talk to a career advisor or counsellor. Life doesn't come to you you have to go after it and if you want to sit there and feel sorry for yourself that is your choice.

Make a list of the movies that inspire you and decide what it is about them that inspires you... same for a list of books then people read some autobiographies if you have to.

If you best goal was to be a trolly pusher and the universe said no then climb up the ladder.

The only job you will find were you can start at the top is ... digging a hole.

Alex






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Dude, I am a former loser. I am 23 years old with a bit more experience than some of these other guys.

No one can make an outside change and hopefully bring the change on the inside. The change comes from the inside, the heart, (which starts with the desire which you already have) and then does an outward spiral and affects the rest of your life.

I had no direction, and my interests were the same, chicks, and booze, or the three b's if you know what I mean, then the change happened. May I suggest religion.....that is what did it for me. Then I traveled, lived in Brazil for two years, and now I'm a happy man with a successful job, hot Brazilian wife, and the whole package.

What do you say? You have to be willing to sacrifice, and get rid of the mind altering substances.
Laterz






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Unfortuanately, I don't think it's often that you can just "choose" religion and wha la! The problem is solved. Most of the time its a dawning on your conscience that has bubbled up from the depths of your inner mind and its thoughts.

You can't just say, "I think it would help if I became a Jew." Hehe.








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That's true. I never stated that once deciding to accept a religion all of the problems would melt away. As cleary specified on my post, the change comes from within, and will slowly work itself to other aspects of life. I simply stated that religion is a helpmate to this process, if it wasn't religion would not be such a force in the world.

I speak from my own experience, and experience at times is the best teacher.






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Now you've got me thinking about women... I read on the forum about a guy taking an actuarial exam and upon further investigation I found that it's the job for me. I love math and that's what it's all about. I'm starting school in the fall as a math major in hopes of becoming an actuary.






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i had a different reply, but its not what i want to read. ive been through all of this before with counselors, and friends, and my parents. these things never lead anywhere. ive made lists, ive tried to live the examined life, but ive learned nothing from it other than the universe doesnt talk.






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quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
i had a different reply, but its not what i want to read.

So what is it you want to hear? That it's okay for you to lose out? If that's what you want to hear, I don't mind telling you: It's okay to fail, it's okay that your life is a mess, it's okay that you don't want to make a move. I'm not being sarcastic. It really is okay. It's very okay. It's your life. You own it, no one else.

But just in case you're sick of living a life like that, you might want to take an inventory of what you're doing. Because as long as you do it the same way, you're going to get the same results. Change takes some effort. So far, you've had some good suggestions, but you seem to think they're not good enough for you. That's fine. You know what's best for you. So why don't you take stock yourself and decide what you can do?

quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
ive been through all of this before with counselors, and friends, and my parents. these things never lead anywhere. ive made lists, ive tried to live the examined life,

Yes, but have you been through all of this with yourself? No, I don't mean your feelings. What are you actually doing? If you don't know, okay, then it might be a good time to find out what's good for you, don't you think? I know it's easy for us as third persons to say that, but you need to get moving. It doesn't matter what we say. In the end, the ball is in your court. We can't hit it for you, only suggest how you might hit it. In the end, you're hitting it...or are you going to let it hit you?

quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
but ive learned nothing from it other than the universe doesnt talk.

Oh? And what do you think we've been doing? From the number of posts in this thread, I'd say the universe has been talking a lot, only you haven't necessarily been listening. Again, it's fine to do that. It's your call. You can do what you like.

I apologise if I sounded a little harsh, but I felt you needed to hear that.

KWLee






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I agree with KWLee.






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my suggestion ..

Stop calling yourself a loser.

In other words, how you talk to yourself is how you perceive yourself. If you change the way you talk to yourself, then your perception of yourself will change and you will begin to see things differently. What you do from there is up to you ... sky's the limit.


Tracey






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Hey,

I have a story for you...

I felt much the same you do...Im 24, had jobs that never went anywhere(more rejections than I can count)...bad relationships...and what more I always thought that I was too old to start over.

A book that might help is "awakening the giant within" by tony robbins....it helped me...

Im not quite there yet, but there is hope.

Ive just got myself into uni...my first choice university too. Im planning on starting my own career...childrens education. and for the first time in a long time there is light at the end of the tunnel. (and no its not a train).

If you want to email me, your welcome to...perhaps we can help each other. it gets hard sometimes. but it can get better.

Oh and Im looking forward to learning photoreading






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I vote for ANY Tony Robbins product. The man is amazing.

I've been to one of his seminars and it was life altering. Firewalking!!

Anyway, his books are great, especially "Awaken the Giant Within"

Tracey!






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I am older than you and I am still searching; I have yet to find my path.

I used to do "everything right" and was a success by eyes of the society. Then something went wrong; I could not follow their tune.

But even though I have used ages to finish my degree ( still working on it;just because ), have no idea if I can find a job I really like, have an awful, awful personal economy,and have yet to come together with my lifepartner; I Do Not Despair!

I will not let the world push me around and tell me what I *have* to do to be successful. I will not compromise with my integrity. I will not let my soul be squished into a box.

I know my lifeenergy will flow freely the day I just * know* what I have to do.
But I see that I probably have things to learn yet before I reach that point. The biggest lessons have come through those 5 years of floating around in the dark, questioning everything and doing nothing.

One Day, I finally understood that all I need is already inside of me. Granted, the struggle is till not over, but I now notice that the Only One who is putting limits on me is Myself.

So everyday I ask myself what I can do to take care of myself; feed my soul, so to speak.

Frankly, I would call myself a success now! Because I tuned into my inner voice and we are now on the same team.

Life is an adventure; and we all have different parts to play.


Laughing-heart






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I agree with LaughingHeart.

Don't call yourself a loser. You are judging yourself by others' standards. Why? You'll only ever be you.

OK let's look at the resume:
24 years old
Dude, I turned 30 on New Year's Day. Have you ever seen anyone get younger? Neither have I.

crap college degree
Dude, I never went to college. All I have is Grade 13. And I was considered smart in school. Sad thing is, I'm doing as well or better than many people who did go to college overall because I have no debts.

no direction
Are you sure about that? everyone has something they've always wanted to do but some people are so discouraged they tell themselves 'oh that'll never happen.'

few interests
You can multiply those by looking at the subcategories of each, then looking outside of them for related interests. It's no problem if you take the time. eg. you like girls? what type: blonds, redheads, baldheads, tall, skinny, fat, glasses, older, younger, etc.? become specific and you'll make moves in your chosen direction. And you might think that your interests aren't profound enough but you'd be surprised if you really knew how frivolous some of the most famous people's occupations really are.

floating around, no job, ive had 25 jobs.
You make do with what you have.The reality is that the job market is crowded and competitive. A lot of times doing your best at your job is the only reward you can count on, and sadly even that is rarely rewarded by employers.

live at home
Sometimes that's best. It's expensive out there. Make the best of the situation. Be disciplined in cooking and cleaning because that's what you need to do when you get your own place. Do the shopping, sit in on the tax preps, in other words be active in the running of your home if you can, and if you can't be an active participant. This is what you need to know to run your own home.

cant get job pushing carts anymore? do'h.
There are other jobs out there. Not all of them are better, many are far worse. But working beats the alternative (welfare) by a country mile, provided you have a direction. And even if you aren't working, look at it this way: you now have time to plan a direction, which is something everyone who works and hates their job wishes they had more of. Unlike money, time is not a renewable resource so value yours.

anyone save themselves from this condition? will the tangerine technique help? no.
If Tangerine Technique doesn't help, why not try ImageStreaming or LucidDreaming or Natural Brilliance or Swish Pattern or Six Hats Thinking or...see, there are lots of alternatives. Even Paul and Dana will tell you to explore other avenues if PR isn't for you because PR is simply one way of self-improvement and there are many others. You have to do what's best for you.

If you want to read a book about this, then I'd suggest avoiding Tony Robbins' books at first; they're very long. Try these instead:

Don't Tie Yourself Up In Nots by David P. Schloss (great for general advice, and very very short; you can slow read it in 80 minutes or PR it in like 3 and activate it in 10)

I Could Do Anything I Want If Only I Knew What It Was by Barbara Sher (for interests and direction)

Paula Nelson's Guide To Getting Rich by Paula Nelson (for financial success)

Then, if you're still interested, try

Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill (it's a classic)

Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins (for NLP concepts and general positive thinking)

I know how hard it is because I've been there. At your age I was homeless. Good luck in getting yourself on track.

[This message has been edited by x (edited January 07, 2003).]






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Great insight, x. What I don't get is the part about interests. Let's say I like semi-athletic red-haired (straight and shiny hair, not curly and not the girls w/ freckles). How's that give me a direction in life?






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I donít think I can do anything KwLee. I have no talent. No purpose. No genius. This isnt a pity-party. This is my self-evaluation. Theres nothing wrong with calling yourself a loser, if its true. That doesnít mean ill always suck. I suck right now though, and I have the confidence to say that w/out reservation. Telling myself im great and wonderful wont sit right. I know im not. Not right now.

So how do I get to that point of being great? Well, thereís the problem. Goals are what Iím looking for. Paths that people have taken to get themselves out of misdirection. How do you do that? Where do you find goals? In myself? What if they arent there? From counselors? No. I get the usual clichť advice: keep working, hang in there, youll find it someday, its inside you. Huh? That doesnít help.

Fuzzy, you like where you are in school. Thatís great. I hope it continues, but school wasnít for me. If it were free, fine, id still go to go. Good luck with the kids. They give me a headache!

Laughing, your attitude seems what a person should have. If it works for you, great, but that attitude doesnít help me. The things learned in your years of aimlessly floating; did you learn anything other than to trust/believe in yourself? Why do you believe in yourself? What are your reasons? What are you good at?

Im most interested in what you have gone through X. what was it like being homeless? How did you get from there, to here, where I presume youre no longer homeless? What did you learn from being homeless? Where did you get food? Where did you find shelter? What climate did you live in (when/if im homeless I will not be in the north)? why were you homeless?

You were at rock bottom. Ill only learn what thatís like by hitting it myself, but anything you can tell me would be great.







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Whether you feel like a loser or not, you are still a person, worth something more than nature and animals because you are made in the image of the infinite personal God. I do not mean the word "god", but a real Being, a personal infinite Being who really created the world, including people.

He created people in His image and they are personal. But right now you are abnormal. That is, this real God who really exists created you in a different way. And you brought about this change because you really sinned and mankind fell--people are abnormal.

I am not going to say that you are perfect and have all the answers because you are not perfect and don't have all the answers. You are finite and personal and fallen.

The one place that has the answers is the Holy Bible.






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Hey Ploppsdman,

I think you might be missing the point in which everyone is trying to give you...

Which is there is a way to get better...for one person its one way, for another its something else...

but the one thing you have to do....is mentally want to make your life better...

To me it doesnt seem that you want to do that, it seems like your just waiting for life to change the way you live...like winning the lottery or something.

The way you refer to yourself as a loser and accepting that as who you are is the real problem...you dont have to hit bottom to pick yourself up...isnt that going in completely the opposite direction?

And what if you do hit what you consider to be rock bottom...will you really be able to change your life around then?

Everyone here has given you advice...They gave it because they dont think your a loser (even though we dont know what you go through everyday), but because we believe your someone looking for help, because you do at least value your life, and its quality.

Is it really that hard to believe that with 6 billion people in the world...that one person has gone from less than you and turned there life around....for that matter...is that hard to believe that 100, 1,000 or even 1,000,000 or more have done the same. so why cant you be one of them.

The reason why I told you to read that book...(there are other types of books and things to do out there), partly is because it helped me....but more importantly because it taught me...that you cant change your life until you change the way you think.

good luck.








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Lost my hearing
Went to counselling - counsellors kicked me out telling "I don't know how to help you". They were supposed to help me handle my job. It's been a difficult task developing a career goal when everyone thinks because your deaf you lost your brains.

It's an interesting experience to be told wow we like your work but we are giving the job to someone with less talent than you because we don't know how to deal with your deafness.

I stand there in amazement thinking hang on I'm deaf that's for me to deal with not you. You just give me the job and I do it. So I say to them,"here I am sitting and communicating with you with no problems, you see my portfolio shows that I can do it?" "No, I can't risk it."

Lost my job. Unemployed 5 years now

To my horror I was put on disability rather than assigned an employment counsellor.

The disability pension is 50% below the poverty line. I am not permitted to touch my superannuation till I reach retirement age 25+ years away. It's losing money anyway and I figure in about 7 years they'll start billing me (its a government scheme)

Developed a relationship that ended with "I'm sorry I can't handle your hearing impairment I've decided to try and develop another relationship"

I lost my home which I had fully paid off.

Today I spoke to my father for the 1st time in 18 months he's been trying to contact me for the last 5 weeks. Last time I spoke to him he informed me that I am a "useless human being" amongst some other things that I don't care to recall.

Today his advise to me was "Don't bother looking for a job... you won't get one anyway".

I live on my own, unless I wear my hearing aids the world is quiet.

Am I loser? If I listen to my father, yes.

To me personally, no. My answer is it makes no difference - it's just an opinion and opinions can change. Even the opinon I have of myself is a choice.

Consider this.

To Laugh is to Risk appearing a fool - Laugh anyway.
To Weep is to appear sentimental - weep anyway.
To Reach out for another is to Risk involvement - Get involved anyway.
To Expose your feelings is to Risk exposing your true self - Be Vulnerable anyway.
To Place your Dreams before a crowd is to Risk their loss - Present them anyway.
To Love is to Risk not being loved in return - Love anyway.
To Hope is to Risk despair - Hope anyway.
To Try is to Risk failure - Try anyway.
To Live is to Risk dying - Live anyway.

The Person who will Risks Nothing; does Nothing; has Nothing IS Nothing.
Only a person who will Risk will become truely free.
- Patrick Mc Bae

I know that there is nothing in this post that is an answer to your problem.

I keep doing whatever I do and just keep going. I accept responsiblity for my deafness, I am not waiting around for someone to save me because I don't need saving. I know there are things I could be doing better. The fact of the matter is that the only person that you can really count on when everything around you is stuffed up is yourself. Often it feels like you're picking yourself up by the bootstraps.

You've got to be your own best friend. To that end you start letting yourself hear what you would like to hear 'your friend' telling you. 'Hey you're ok you know.' When you say to your friend, 'I don't know' you will want hear 'Yeah, but maybe we can find out?'. Or you say, 'I can't' your friend would probably say, 'well, maybe not yet, but we could learn.'

In all forget goals, worries and that... get the Self Esteem Supercharger from LSC. Use that everyday for a couple of weeks and see what you want from life then.

Good luck
Alex







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There won't be any prepackaged solutions to what you are trying to find. It sound like you just don't know what you want to do.

My friend in his late twenties was living with his parents. Complete, utter, loser who did nothing with his life. His parents got sick of it and tossed his bum ass out. He had to live in his van..... even had to clean himself and his change of clothes daily in a local river. finally got some minimum wage job and started going to a community college and after three year (was not full time student), graduated last year with math/computer degree and started off with a mid 20K job a year.... not super successful but better than where he was..... and his story will probably continue into the future....

Two points.... one, that was a success story, he achieve autonomy, self-reliance, and is in a better position now.

Two, he was not motivated to do anything before, like you. When he got kicked out, he learned, 'necessity is the mother of invention' so to speak, he made his own motivation.....

So the best advice I can give is to go out and make your own motivation or you will keep getting whatever scraps life sends your way.... that's all there is to it....

I know it's nothing major, but life's full of simple truths.






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Ha, that reminds me of the "van down by the river" skit from SNL. I think it takes a crappy event (crappening?) to get lazy people motivated. Clearly your friend's homelessness was a greatly beneficial awakening. It's weird how some people can work hard for almost no reason, while others wait until they understand the consequences of inaction. Personally I think the latter makes more sense, and it bugs me to see people busy themselves with dumb things without considering how it'll benefit them. Your homeless friend directly benefitted from getting a job and going to college. Here we are, ploppsdman and I, living at home, safe and well fed. Nothing in the immediate future matters because we'll still have food and shelter--it's a horrible cycle of procrastination. I'm taking the GED exam next weekend so I can get a decent part-time job and buy myself an iPod or something (whatever gets me motivated, right).






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Arthur: Religion is not for me anymore.

Fuzzy: I know there are people who have picked themselves up from worse situations. I want to know how they did that. I do not think that changing my state of mind will automatically make my life wonderful. I am a loser and a loser for good reasons. Once I dont have reasons for being a loser, I'll no longer think I suck as bad as I do. I have not always felt like i sucked, and for good reasons.

I do think you are right though, I am waiting for my life to be changed by an outside source. thats b/c i dont know what to do myself.

hopefully this isnt coming off as hopelessly sad. it doesnt feel that way.

Alex: So what do you do now, Alex? You seem to be in a position to tell me the most. Where do you go from where you are? Do you have plans to get a job? Move to another country, where if they wont hire you solely based on your hearing loss you can sue them (united states. cant you sue the corporation who fired you b/c you are deaf). Move to Minnesota and work for the Learning Strategies Corporation? What about women?

Your posts are typically brillant, Alex. If people think your dumb b/c your deaf, F_ them.

chaosadelt: some time ago, maybe three months, a friend called and asked me what i was doing with my life. "nothing," i said. i continued on with something along these lines: "i think that my folks are going to give me the boot pretty soon. im ambivalent about it. it could be great. it could be horrible. and im not sure if i want to find out which one. where i stand now, at least i know ill eat and keep warm. then again, i really want it to happen."

motivation is a definite problem. if i wanted something though, it would not be. i need to find a want.

also, ive never been challenged. that doesnt sound right, but its probably close to the truth.

its not b/c im good at anything. its b/c i always take the easy route.

Astrowill: Great luck on the GED. Where do you go from there? Do you really need an IPod? There are somedays i wish my computer would break. There are other days I break my computer, so I dont spend too much time on the net (i took my keyboard and smashed it to 1000s of bits in the road).

[This message has been edited by ploppsdman (edited January 15, 2003).]






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here's something i wrote. its the only thing ive written that i think is OK. what have you written that you like? no one reads anything i write, despite my request. if thats the case with you, post something and ill read it. i probably wont comment, and ill hope for the same. comments seem stilted, for whatever reason.


to the store
Am I important today?

I check my calendar. Itís a Tuesday and Iím unimportant.

I am hungry though, and without much more than raemen noodles and a beer, I walk to the store. Itís right there. Right across the street from my house. Well, my parents house. Can you see it?

Iím already out the door, so I can see it quite clearly.

As I gain more ground on the grocery store ďenterĒ doors, whatever does whatever, cause and effect, and the electronically motivated doors move to their open position. I walk through, whatever does whatever, as the money motivated man standing there, burdened by a sickly colored vest, moves to his hello position.

His hands creep out of his pants pockets. His shoulders shift gaunt and defeated. Heís looking down and then he looks up. His glance turns down, and before it gears up again, I greet the man with a ďhelloĒ to defuse the awkwardness.

ďHello,Ē he replies, as he is paid to do so. He might not be talking to me. There is another person walking behind me who says hello at the same instant, but for self-image's sake I'm going to presume he was welcoming me, too. No, letís make that, ME ONLY. Maybe I am important today? No, itís a Tuesday. Iím never important on a Tuesday. I only end up rhyming, at least twice, like Dr. Seuss on Tuesdays.

Itís a funny thing: a person paid to greet you. Perhaps I too will begin paying people to say hello to me. 25 cents a HI seems reasonable. To have so many people acknowledge that I do indeed exist, that could be a boon to my life. And whoís to say, maybe everyoneís life?

Perhaps this practice will catch on, and nearly everyone will begin to pay others to say HI to them. Invariably there will be no reason in exchanging the 25 cents. It's senseless if I say HI to you and receive 25 cents, and then you say HI and I hand you that same amount back. The result of this would be the extermination of all loneliness.

Of course, living in this time and place, cause-and-effect, Iím a pessimistic-optimist. I doubt such a fairy-tale ending would ever materialize. If I begin to reimburse people 25 cents for a HI, eventually someone will come along incorporating and copyrighting (perhaps it would be me?). Due to "scarcities" and the cost of labor, prevailing market prices for greetings consequently rise and rise with the sun each morning. I suppose there will be drilling in the wilderness preserves here, and exploitation of third world nations there, to increase supply and lower labor cost to 13US cents per hour, but cost-per-HI will "unfortunately" continue to increase due to demand. Thatís my justification for everything. Itís how the system works. I have no other options and neither do you. Sorry. Itís economics and itís got all of us by the balls. So bend over with a nice, flawless smile and enjoy the ride.

Prices for verbal acknowledgements will eventually be out of reach for everyone, but the very rich. Sure sure once in a long long while you, the little person, could spring for a HI; maybe on some sort of payment plan? Afterall, I do have to give just enough to the little folk to prevent a revolution, but don't bother dreaming of a ďWell, hello! How are you doing today, sir?Ē That costs 5200 bucks, and rightly so! They're popular and scarce, ya know?

I walk in the direction where the horribly over-processed chicken patties lie. This is what Iíve come to purchase.

As I look down to avoid eye contact with passer-byes, who donít say hello, I notice that I'm traveling inside a city-like grid pattern. The design of this Louisville sized grocery store, with carpet and tile clearly delimiting where your walking is preferred and where it is not (unless you have a specific interest in the carpeted region's products), is aggravating. I am inefficiently traveling exactly where the architect of this grocery store wants me to, here, on this gum/grape/bug/me persecuted tile. Refuse! At least I do.

Though I feel I must clarify here. It's not that I see myself as better than anyone else, this refusal to walk the path of my fellow shoppers. In fact, Iím not at all decent. Truth be told, Iím not even an allegory of a life, but to silence my mind a little I will walk primarily on the less-popular areas. Stepping on the dirty path only when completely-absolutely necessary.

Clip-clop, squeak. Clip-clop, squeak.

My shoes are falling apart.

I'm walking on the tile right now to get a better look at a blond girl. She stands in an uncarpeted line. Her eyes are birth, death, and everything in between.

Might this place sell heliotropes, because I could never be confused as confident? As such, I walk past existence, and look at her for no more than a despotic second.

Now that I've past-by her, thereís an overbearing compulsion (An irresistible impulse to act regardless of the rationality of the motivation. I memorized the definition of compulsion to impress people.) pushing me to hurry the hell up in finding the commodities Iím here for so that, perhaps, I might pass-by the presumed pulchritude yard of blond girl once more. Hurry hurry, I do and I do, but what was the point? Yeah, sheís still in the checkout line, just her and her slim fast, but I might as well have three heliotropes attached, wherever, as she doesnít notice me.

Maybe I do? I feel a rock in my shoe. Heliotropes for everyone, I guess. That would certainly explain the lack of HIís.

I turn my attention towards my food: are these chicken-squares commodities? Their utility is suspect.

While I simply glance at the girl now, I stare mindfully at the machine she is attached to. A big something, comprised of (1) a touch-screen, (2) a weight sensitive base, (3) a change taker and a (4) change giver, and (5) beeps in a nauseating surplus. In-lieu of all human cashiers, this grocery store has some self-serve robotic checkout terminals.

Thatís just like life. Whatever does whatever, and you enter through an automatic door greeted by costly salutations. When you exit, youíre usually attached to some machine and alone. Nothing to fear though, because thereís impulse-buy magazines and candy to help pass the time.

Hopefully the time will go quickly. The magazine titles ďMillion dollar question: Is he gay?Ē and ďLose 29 [lbs.] by JulyĒ are staring me down, and itís quite painful. I know there are far greater topics that should be delineated. Oil corporations polluting, killing, plundering. Clandestine organizations scheming to exploit HI-rich, but cash-flow poor countries. I'd love to read about that, but instead we have ďSecret Affairs Revealed." I need some sort of escape. I need some kind of freedom. One drink won't do. I know I have a lighter somewhere in my pockets.

Resolving it is indeed a commodity, because the utility of high saturated fat and interminable sulfites will kill me, I decide to forfeit my money, beep-beep, in exchange for whatever this cheek'n stuff is. Finished with capitalism, I guess for the day, I say HI to no one and proceed to the exit.

The door opens, the door closes. A second door opens, and as the second door closes I hear something. An ineffable sound. Does this Door cry? Sad to see me go and melancholy that it can not come with. Or does it laugh? A cruel part of this malevolent world, pushing me further away from it? Or, maybe the door hinges need grease and Iím very much the lunatic.

Outside, the sun is burning pragmatically. The sky is the color of a blue clichť. There's a hole in my pants pocket and I've lost my lighter.

And this day happens far too often for my taste.








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Wow man, I loved that--it's exactly the way I think!

[This message has been edited by astrowill (edited January 15, 2003).]






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quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
I do not think that changing my state of mind will automatically make my life wonderful.[QUOTE]

Um... nothing is going to automatically make your life wonderful short of unexpectantly winning the lottery, to some extent.

Small steps man, small steps everyday. Whatever has gotten you down, you have to take start taking steps to improve it.... thats how you should treat your long standing problems in life.

Ever heard of inertia... that's the tendency for an object to resist acceleration or in other words... an object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object moving in a certain direction tends to keep moving in that direction. But it's a mistake to change direction too fast... tilt the wheel too far on a car and you'll spin out of control.

People are same way, we all have inertia... so my only advice to you is to start taking steps to get what you want. Human examples of changing direction too fast, yo-yo dieting for one... those people who go on an excercise program and then quit three months later for another, all goals and achievement they first soar over, only to crash and burn in time. Happens everywhere college, their jobs, family life, whatever.

Hope you start taking the journey...

[OUOTE]
I do think you are right though, I am waiting for my life to be changed by an outside source. thats b/c i dont know what to do myself.


Well... just pray that life hands you good scraps... that's all you are gonna get if you stay that way. IMHO, have you considered that you like the situation your in, you're just scared that it might change in the future?






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quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:

Alex: So what do you do now, Alex? You seem to be in a position to tell me the most. Where do you go from where you are? Do you have plans to get a job? Move to another country, where if they wont hire you solely based on your hearing loss you can sue them (united states. cant you sue the corporation who fired you b/c you are deaf). Move to Minnesota and work for the Learning Strategies Corporation? What about women?

First I changed my mind. The number one thing I figured out is I may not be able to change my situation but I can choose to handle my attitude. Power in that alone.

Take risks... I've tried a few things and fell flat on my face in the process - there will probably be more challenges I may as well face them hiding under the bed covers doesn't make it any easier - it just another choice.

I don't drink or smoke - never appealed to me - that's a choice.

Clear cut goal career wise - ideas in the works have to risk failing there. It's a choice.

Sueing for job loss - failed. Time to move on - my choice.

The problem is the tools that get you out of your rut start in your head... read some motivational books, try something different, keep writing. Ask yourself different questions while you write.

quote:
Originally posted by ploppsdman:
Your posts are typically brillant, Alex. If people think your dumb b/c your deaf, F_ them.

Thank you, I like your implied attitude I hope you live by that yourself ... however- actually - I wouldn't want to give them that pleasure.

Alex






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FYI after I get my GED I'm going to college as a math major in hopes of being an actuary. With your crap degree you can be a stock broker or a teacher or a social worker. Or a cop or a camp counselor... You could work on a cruise ship, which would certainly get you away from home and right alongside the ladies. Work your way up to captain and it's all good. Do any of those jobs appeal to you?






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I think you could be a great writer. I found your posting interesting and funny!

I think that if you learn to think positively you could make great strides. Take the negatives you see as positive opportunities for learning and growth.

Think of it this way - you are very fortunate to be living in America - think of all those kids and people in those poor or war torn countries who would give anything to be living where you are.

You basically have the capabilities and opportunities to be, and do anything you want - which a lot of people could not have, even if they wanted to...






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chao: what you write makes sense. i like " just pray that life hands you good scraps... that's all you are gonna get if you stay that way." im stealing it. its now mine.

i want to start a journey. but where the hell do i go? i dont know. there's the rub. the rub? why the hell did i type that. idiot. thats the PROBLEM!

if i had money, instead of negative money, then id just go. id go anywhere, as would so many people in my craptastic position. thats why im entering in sweepstakes such as this one:
http://www.hgtv.com/hgtv/pac_ctnt/text/0,,HGTV_3936_5797,FF.html

for those of you in the states, this is for a 900K home in florida, a boat, and a car. i am reducing my chances of winning by .0000000001 by posting this, but thats the kind of guy i am.

ill take small steps. but where do i go? a journey to no where starts with a single step, too.

astro: here comes that exam! actuary? i had to look that one up. make sure you lower everyone's premiums and accept everyone for insurance. especially medical.

if you have any questions about schools, ask them. ill repeat this because of its importance: if you are considering school for the fall, make sure you fill out the fafsa form. that form is for student financial aid (loans and grants). im filling it out on the off chance i go to school. it doesnt cost anything to fill out.

Alex and Inquiring: I have tried to change my attitude. im glad if you both can do that, as if your chosing to move your hand not your foot. the negative though always seems to make more sense, especially where im sitting now.

right now, there's more reasons to have a negative attitude than a positive one. when that ratio reverses, then ill be dancing on the table top with my pants down. ? you get the point.

i had a longer post, but im going in circles. ill re-read everyones posts. i probably missed an ocean.

i will take your advice, and choose to end on a positive note:

A list of ten things that kick ass (feel free to add to the list):
1. the shape of some women
2. relaxing on the floor with a dog
3. soft contrasts of hot and cold
4. excitement about seeing someone
5. the moment before playing a game
6. hearing about a friends happy turn of chance (marriage, new job)
7. wedding receptions
8. wishing a movie/song/book didnt have an end
9. jumping in a chilled river bed, with a waterfall overhead
10. certain looks

i dont like making life so cerebral.

ah crap, i ended negatively.






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OOOOK, here's my piece to add to your puzzle. I have been there b-4, it's called depression. Sometimes you can get yourself out of it, sometimes your friends and family can talk you out of it, and sometimes you have to get outside help. It's nothing to be ashamed of either, a large percent of americans (dont remember the percent, but it was large) are said to have severe enuff emotional difficulties that they should seek professional help. It's not the ppl's fault, it's 2-day's society: LIFE CAN BE HARD!! But, just like what everyone else is telling you, if you do nothing to change it, nothing will change. You get out what you put in, you get what you pay for, ect. Another thing. The job market right now sucks. That is a fact. If you couldn't get a crappy job, that's because there are lots of ppl trying to get crappy jobs tight now, because they think that's all they can get. However, if u work hard, you can get a GOOD job, because the GOOD JOB market isn't as saturated as the crap job market. There is always work for skilled persons, and if u want skills and are willing to work for them, you can acquire them. Go to a tech school. You any good at computers? Get certified and work as a comp repairman. Then, save your money to get training in network administration. Move up the ladder. Network Administraters make damn good money. No good at computers? You know a electrician makes more money than some college grads?? Just open ur eyes and look around. You seem to be a good writer. There is even a demand for depressing books, you never know. Just whatever you do, do something!!






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I agree with the last guy, do something! You want to start the journey, don't like where you are but don't know where you want to go.

There.... you have your answer.... do something , take some small steps to somewhere anywhere, if you don't like where your headed then change direction but don't go backtrack to where you've been. After a while, you'll probably find something you like and can pursue that.... nobody always knows where they are headed... but if you stand still in your situation, your never going to cross a path you like.






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so how did you fix what was making you depressed?

someone here found religion and that helped. a few people have found strength in themselves. how about you?







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Turned of the TV. Worse cause of depression is watching TV. The advertising and the movies soaps always create ideals that are for most people unachievable and makes them feel worse about themselves. You'll find successful people are very selective with their TV viewing. They will tell you it's waste of time. If you want to be successful at something start imitating them.

Alex






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astro: here are some books you might like, if you havent come across them already:

the outsider (colin wilson)
the medusa frequency (russell hoban)
fight club (chuck palahniuk)
the ****-up (arthur nersesian)
choke (chuck palahniuk)
catch-22 (joseph heller)
the catcher in the rye (jd salinger)

alex: if i turned off tv, id miss scrubs and simpsons. those are great shows. i think i get what you are saying though.

here's a nice quote from, i dont recall where:

"the effect of life in society is to complicate and confuse our existence, making us forget who we really are by causing us to become obsessed w/ what we are not."

or there's

"we all grew up to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we wont. and we're slowly learning that fact. and we are very, very ****ed off (fight club, film)."

nice quotes, i think.

irregardless, its ok to type irregardless. even though its not a word, just as its okay to watch tv. as with all things, excess is considered bad, but its only bad if you consider it so.

i know successful people who watch lots of tv and i know unsuccessful people, me, who watch little (go scrubs!).






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there are shows that will make me feel like ****, though. alot of the things i come across on mtv **** me off something awful. so as with most things that aggrivate me, i keep at them to see what will happen.

so far, nothing good.






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The most depressing thing on tv to watch is the news. I highly recommend you not bother watching it most of the time, just ask a friend if anything major is going on. Another thing i've discovered is spending more than 3 or 4 hours a week playing comp games is a bad thing. Any more than that is just wasting time you could be spending improving yourself. Much less than that and your not having any fun I wouldn't recommend you smash your keyboard however as that gets expensive after the 3rd or 4th time... When i kno i've been online too long i TURN THE COMPUTER OFF!! Sometimes i even have to leave the room, but then, i accomplish the work i needed to do, then I can go relax for awhile and post messages on forums and stuff o, btw, anyone tried binaural beats? I've been trying "Brainwave Generator" to reduce my sleep, with limited success, anyone have any ideas?






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Firstly, make a new program go into deep delta (1 hz or so), and make it last about a half an hour. Check out "feel the power" topic in the paraliminal forum.

Secondly try (if possible) polyphasic sleep. See "Polyphasic Sleep" under paraliminal forum.






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I think most of us are losers in a way. If not, we wouldnít be here trying to learn to acquire information without studying. Basically, we all want to learn to read 25,000 words a minute and finish a 4-year college in two years, which is something very unlikely. We donít even want to read at 25,000 for crying out loud. We just want our subconscious mind to the hard work for us. We feed ourselves with the hope that Pring will get us to study without struggling.
America has spoiled us. That is why Computer companies have to recruit foreigners for their Engineer and Computer Science positions. If you guys donít believe me, I suggest you take a look at Silicon Valley. I know an Engineer that cannot speak a word of English, but he is making around 130,000. Why? Americans are not enrolling in difficult professions, such us Engineering and Computer Science.

This is just a thought. I finish college reading at a rate of 275 words per minute. It took me 5 yrs instead of 4, but I did it, and I was not even born in the US.

Iím not going to brag about success because; Iím unemployed like most of you. I spent a whole year trying to become a Certified Public Accountant, and I still donít know if I passed the exam. Now, A year after my graduation, companies do not want to hire me because they donít like the fact that I waste a whole year preparing to become a CPA.

They also don't like that my overall GPA is 3.15. I didn't know that GPA was so important that is why I only concentrated on my Accounting GPA,Which was 3.30.

Guys, If you all choose a Marketable career and garduate before reaching your 30s, life will be little more pleasent with a white collar salary.

[This message has been edited by Dana Hanson (edited January 22, 2003).]






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I was in the same boat when I was about 24. The boat kept sinking until I was almost 28, when I decided to kill myself. Upon failing, I realized that I didn't want to try killing myself again, but I needed that to be more than a whim. I needed a reason to live.

When you have a purpose in life, your actions, your values, everything just lines up around it.

But, here's the secret. You understand the absurdity of life. Making your purpose somehow less-than-absurd is going to feel like bull-droppings, and you'll know it. Make your "highest good" in life something totally absurd, but something that really does resonate with you.

One thing that helped when I was about 25 was going back to school. Although I never did complete my associate's degree, it helped me until the dot-com-crash of 00 took away my job. However, by that time, I had enough skills to get a higher-paying job in a month's time.

Girlfriend's are a two-edged swords. On one hand, they can offer inspiration, support and encouragement. On the other, they can cause "life-freeze" because you're afraid that any personal growth you make will cause you to "grow appart." I perfer to stay single, but I was approached and I find it hard to say no to someone willing to buy me burritoes.

One weird reframe... get a book on child-raising and extend your childhood. Look at it this way: you are where you are because of what happened in your childhood. By giving yourself the experiences every child should have before they reach 18, you at least get to have them. It's never too late to have a happy childhood.






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Martin, I'm glad someone finally said it matter-of-factly. I hope it doesn't insult anyone, but I do think that the truly happy, succesful people are out living their lives instead of searching for a magic bullet. As an example, those who've mastered photoreading are reaping the benefits for themselves instead of hanging out here (except for some people who are nice enough to provide some encouragement to us). It doesn't make those people selfish, though, don't get me wrong. I too would like to busy myself with cool stuff and a great job instead of tv and internet. Pman, thanks for the advice and the book rec's. The GED went well and I'll get my score in six weeks. USC will most likely accept me so I'm not worried or anything. What bothers me is that I'm perpetuating this laziness and I can only hope that I can overcome it for school. Just curious, does anyone here NOT suffer from depression or anxiety? It seems to me that perfectly happy people have no desire for self improvement...am I wrong?






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You have a strong point there. If you are completely happy with who you are, why bother changing? To quote the old saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" Personaly, I believe there is always room to improve. For the 99% of us who want to change, PR looks like the way to do it. O, and a thousand thanks to the great ppl who mastered PRing and stay around here helping ppl who need it.






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Astrowill. I'm not depressed...was but I'm not now. I'm not as happy and cheery as I once was, but I'm getting better everyday (well most days). Now, that I'm mostly through the bad time, I'm greatful for it. Your right I wouldn't have learned so many things if I hadn't needed more than I already had.

PR is not the cure for my depression. Many many things went into my regaining positive energy and out-look. Some of it was recognizing I had lost some of the beliefs I held when things were going great. I've worked on re-establishing those beliefs, and figuring out how to deal with the issues in my life. Each one requires it's own solution.
I'm still learn something useful almost everyday. A useful idea occurred to me while writing this post.

Happiness to all,
Iam2






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Oh yeah, Astro if you want to stop being lazy, then decide to stop being lazy. Hoping is a waste of time and energy.

What, Why and How your laziness.
What lazy activitiess to you want to get rid of?
What do you consider being lazy?
What makes you feel like you're lazy?
What do you want to do instead? Not what do you think you should do.

Why do you want to be something other than lazy?
Why is being lazy bad (bad for you | bad for others | bad for your selfesteem | bad for you bank account| ...)?

How are you going to stop yourself from doing those things you call lazy? Some of the what questions will help. Figure out what you do, when you do it, why you're doing it, and develop a strategy that will Enable you to do want you presumable Want to do.

Understand you ?problem? and solve it. Deciding is not enough by itself. If you can come up with a good enough reason why, then you will move a mountain (or your lazy butt).


Just some words form an older guy,
Iam2







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Kaiden: i'm glad that you failed and decided that suicide wasnt for you. id consider that a success if i did that. what absurd purpose did you fashion from that? what was the meaning of life that you found out there?

i love burritos!

it would be damn near impossible for anyone to resist a free girl-bought burrito. and even if you could, would you want to? a great burrito from an ugly girl is still a great burrito. especially at night. (im thinking of a pizza/sex analogy, unnecessarily. its not applicable).

if anyone is looking for reassurance from life, go to el palmar in chicago (irving park/sheffield). they sell it in steak burrito form for $4. ask for extra red sauce. its open 24-hours from what i recall.

strange, but i had a history session with myself today. there were no wars or great depressions that i found needing mending, though.

school is possible, but out-of-state tuition is out of my financial state. does anyoen know of an inexpensive/good out-of-state tuition school (that doesnt seem like good grammer)? the university of washington use to have a nice loophole, but that was cemented in, starting in fall, '03.

id like to be a doctor, and an engineer, and a lawyer, but i dont have the brain for it. thats so much frustration right there.

the irony of it is: i dont want to be a doctor/engineer/lawyer. i hate math, science, and the law, but im ****ed off that i couldnt do it even if i wanted to. its the same way with girls. i usually like the ones who are deeply involved, which means im not screwed, but i am, i.e. im buying my own burritos. (definite pizza, or in this case burrito, analogy here)

stupid way to think/act.

astro: you feel as though you did great on the GED! if you go to usc, that will be amazing. get involved in alot of clubs, play alot of sports, go to alot of parties.

oh yeah, read a little, too.

as far as laziness goes, im an expert on that. laziness kicks my ass when: a.) i dont see any reason in doing something, ie there's little hope that ill get what i want because someone will say no, or wont be home, or .. whatever b.) when i think the job will be too hard and not worth the reward.

how do i overcome that? well, usually i dont.

on the rare occasions that i do, this is the most important thing: ACTION. dont think. just do. whenever i dont think about what might happen/could happen/wont happen, i get done what i need to (mail this out, apply for this job, do this assignment, tell this girl her do-rag is unsettling, etc).

i am going to do this _____ today. and then do it. as soon as i think about all the details, im playing hockey, or video games, or sleeping.

i read "the sorrows of young werther" a few days ago. add that to the list. a few things i felt: 1. did i write this? is this my mind and not werther's/goethe's 2. will my life end the same way?

[This message has been edited by ploppsdman (edited January 25, 2003).]






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