In a year's time I have gone through a lot with my first wife. Due to an event in my life, I 'cleaned up the past' with her. This led to us moving in togehter with OUR boys. I proposed to re-marry her and that is how it stood for a while. But I went through a lot of heartache and it is a miracle of a sort that we are actually still living in the same household, but we now have the best relationship that we have ever had, as roommates! We see to the welfare of our kids and enjoy each others company immensely. Just last night I was consoling her and 'being there' for her as she fought with her boyfriend via chat and phone. She waffled more than a politician between two rich lobbyists. That didn't matter, it was about her being happy. Here's the whole thing I am getting at.
We realized that we didn't make our relationship work, we made what works our relationship.
Coming from that perspective there's little to focus on but the positives and to build the relationship around that.
This doesn't mean that you will be rooming with your ex-fiancee and helping her in new relationships...that's what works for us.
But try on the possibility that this viewpoint could make a difference in both of your lives....EVEN if that means no communication because THAT IS WHAT WORKS.
Get it?
Now you can use New Behavior or New History or whichever appeals to you with a new perspective.
I sincerely hope this helps because I spent a lot of time getting to this point myself.
[This message has been edited by spiritofwill (edited September 25, 2003).]