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Joined: Aug 2007
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Hello,
I have been single by choice for 3 years now after my divorce. Although I feel now that I am ready to meet some nice women, I find myself restricted by some bad habits which I think are preventing me from meeting women (& people in general).
Some of my habits/beliefs:
1. I have become very lazy (:-))... Work, home, work.. No desire to go out. Come home after work. Spend time on my computer, watching TV, sleeping etc. Even when I have plans to go out.. I find myself chickening out last minute and avoiding going out... It feels safer/more comfortable to stay home and do my own things.
2. Belief that I am old... I turned 38 this month.. been without dating for 3 years... by choice.. even though when I go out, I find much younger and very attractive girls getting attracted to me... girls in early 20s etc... but this belief of being old is keeping me limited.
I am generally considered Ok looking and in the past I was considered attractive to women.. plus I don't have apparent confidence issues that I know of...
I have all paraliminals plus several of the courses: Euphoria, Resiliency, Consistent Achievement, Ideal Mindset, Spring forest Qigong, Photoreading, and just waiting for Diamond Feng Shui.
Which would be the best approach for me to address my issues and become super-social again ?.... and meet some lovely ladies and finally find someone who I can have a family with.
Thanks in advance
D
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Hallo there! Welcome to the club of the lazy and the lonely! Been there, wished that, promised change for self and even spent a lot of time listening to paraliminals. Nothing helped. ... that is until now!
In my personal experience, the paraliminals (and indeed such is the case with everything else in our lives, especially when it comes to change) nothing will work if we don't believe in it!
What I mean by that is we truly (I mean really!!) be ready for change. Saying it or believing it on the surface is going to make no difference.
You say you are ready - so why not try your readiness with work colleagues? Don't rush into finding a g/f but rather friends - male/female and even the in betweens.
Go out with them. Socialize with people you work with but have never actually met formally. Make the effort of looking good. Spending $ socializing. Getting back into the habit of smiling and listening. Meeting new people will be easier if there are no strings attached - i.e. "looking for a relationship". I say this from experience. Downside of this is that you get all sorts of people attracted to you. But I am sure you will be able to handle it!
Once you know you are ready - listen to Decisive Action to map your short term future. Followed by Ideal Mindset.
I have found that these two are currently helping me achieve the same goal you seek. And by the way - I "USED TO BE" lazy, okay looking and old.
You will notice changes sooner than you think. (I have just become so sure and happy about my future. I feel it inside out that I know what I am doing and where I am going. And I love the destination I have created for myself through these paraliminals and the LOA. But first - you have to know if you are truly ready!!!).
Good luck!
Last edited by decision2change; 12/01/07 04:10 AM.
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Thanks for your help man !
I agree with what you say, but I don't understand how one can be " truely be ready for change" ??
I can listen to the courses, do the exercises but how can I force myself to feel the emotional state that you are describing ?
Daken
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That's a good question. I think we get comfortable in our lives even if it isn't what we want. For me I would say to you to follow your inner feelings and do what you want to do or what you feel you should do. Sometimes you have to go forward having fears or qualms, but something inside you tells you that you need to do it. I remember a time in my life when I forced myself to visit different people on my day off. Anyhow, it was part of pushing myself thru my isolation issues and I think it did help me. Now I don't have that issue and in fact I enjoy people and connecting with them, although I still need to polish up on some communication skills. I guess I am still part hermit which is my nature I think... but I am happy to say I have a really good time with people now. For some reason I have opened up and I'm sure it is a combination of things that I have done by working on myself and in that way I was ready to make the shift...
Hope this helps,
scooter~*
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Quote:
Thanks for your help man !
I agree with what you say, but I don't understand how one can be " truely be ready for change" ??
I can listen to the courses, do the exercises but how can I force myself to feel the emotional state that you are describing ?
Daken
When it feels like an effort. When you think you are forcing yourself. When you look at it as work or can't be bothered then you are not ready.
You are ready when you are excited, passionate and looking forward to doing something.
How do you get there? I don't know. I personally have done many things along the way to make myself ready. Today, when people see me they are once again saying "what has she been drinking" or "wow she is fun to be with!" - this was not there in the last couple of years and 2006 was totally different programming I was receiving from people around me.
I can only tell you what I "think" worked for me. After all, I am my thoughts right? And what worked for me is listening to one meditation CD that I keep blabbing about here (you will find it in almost 70% of my posts).
I say THAT is the thing that worked for me because I got INSTANT answer. Once I got the answer, I somehow knew what to do and went on from there.
I use paraliminals mostly for BEHAVIOURAL changes and not necessarily to attract change. I use IPM to behave in a manner that is acceptable to others. I use relationship paraliminal to help me not judge. I use decisive action and ideal mindset to avoid procrastination. I love listening to new behavioural changes because it helps me stay focused on emulating my role model.
But that said, I am sure every bit of resources I own or borrow have helped somehow in their own way. The "SUM" meditation however magically showed me my destiny instantly!
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Joined: Aug 2003
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Quote:
Thanks for your help man !
I agree with what you say, but I don't understand how one can be " truely be ready for change" ??
I can listen to the courses, do the exercises but how can I force myself to feel the emotional state that you are describing ?
Daken
Sometimes it comes quite naturally. Maybe you're already there? For me, I know I'm ready when the status quo not only is not good enough, but it becomes downright irritating, when something deep down inside says, "Enough!" Change then becomes quite easy, if I work with it. If I try to ignore it for some reason, change still will come, but usually with a bit more challenge.
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decision2change, Sorry, I thought you were a guy.. addressed you as 'man !"  )... Self help products should be about what you described... by doing them (listning/doing exercises etc).. they should bring about the change... Sounds like that meditation you talked about may be the thing I need right now.. Paraliminals and other such LS products..... I have used them in the past and even now.. but honestly, I can't say for sure.. IF they helped or how much they helped.. Can you please give me details about that meditation ? Thanks D
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Jeanne, I DO feel that I need some change.. I am not satisfied with the status quo.. but don't know what else to change that to...
Perhaps that has been my greatest issue... I am not lazy, really.. I used to be a dynamo in the past.. have done great things... but now, I just don't feel motivated anymore with what I could do. Feels like I am spent, burned out, 'been there done that' state of mind...that is why I am not able to find the energy ... because passion is not there...
I want to feel motivated, inspired.. find a great purpose.. but don't know what it is... You know what I mean ?
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Some paraliminal suggestions--others will no doubt add more:
1. Anxiety Free--because some of what you describe sort of sounds like a kind of delaying tactic your conscious mind is throwing out there to avoid taking risks (all relationships are "risky" to some degree!)
2. Instantaneous Personal Magnetism--in the part where it asks you to choose someone to emulate, think of someone you know who not only has the spark, but is very good at relating to others.
3. Self Esteem Supercharger--not because I necessarily think you have "low" self esteem, but because a little boost of that quality can be very attractive
4. Youthful Vitality--this one might help create that little boost of enthusiasm you're seeking
5. You Deserve It--I think this one should be almost required listening for almost any challenge. It really helps clear the boards of lots of past issues and regrets
I always think any relationship starts "at home" with the individual. I kind of think you're about ready to make some changes, so perhaps one or more of these will help. And I know others will have some great suggestions, too. Just use your intuition to choose the one(s) that will help you do what you want.
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Joined: Mar 2004
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There is a lot behind your decision to get social again and a few self created obstacles. If you have the Paraliminal library I suggest getting the Paraliminal Accelerator It maps a how to use the Paraliminals towards your goal for a month. Tells you which Paraliminal to use and what the purpose is and offers coaching that gives deeper insights and ideas for using the Paraliminals.
Alex
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