Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Happy for No Reason HFNR - 1 Focus on Solution

Well here we go. For those of you who want to actively work from the HFNR handbook, hop on board. I guess we can just share back and forth to begin with and see how comfortable we all are with it. This new post will keep the thread of things. Here is Exercise 1:

1. Think of a situation that you’ve been complaining about. Rate how you feel about
it on a scale of 1– 10, where 1 is “I’m the least satisfied about the situation” and
10 is “I’m the most satisfied.” _______________
(If you rated your situation a “1”, please skip to question 3.)
2. Great, you didn’t score a “1.” Write down what you’re doing (as many things as
you can think of) that cause you to rate your level of satisfaction at the number
you scored and not lower.
3. What would be the first tiny signs that your satisfaction has increased by one
point? Think carefully and write down as many things as you can.
4. In light of what you’ve written above, what are the first small steps you could take
in the next day to increase your satisfaction with this situation?
5. Begin to take some of the actions you’ve listed in number 4. Start to notice
times when you are a little more satisfied, and build on whatever you’re doing
that helps you.

1. My situation is wanting to sell my house and leave the area I live in. I have lived here for over 20 years and raised kids. Never liked it; but, it was a good place to work and raise kids. Now it's time to leave and I cannot control how fast this will happen. My score for this is a 5

2. We have repaired, renovated, painted, gotten a realtor and now are in limbo waiting for a buyer. We have researched areas to retire and have actually traveled to the top three. We're still not sure on the pick to move to. Have had lots of lookers on the house. We just have no control over the market or the rate of lookers. And that is frustrating. I feel out of control and driven by events. After typing this, I feel we have done a great deal; but, now it is up to the universe.

3. Keeping the place maintained (clean and tidy so that people can come at the drop of a hat); getting up and working out and getting on with things (feeling good physically and mentally); deciding to be happy regardless. travelling to the areas we are interested in and cementing that interest again; discussion about how much we want to move along--discuss the price and whether we will agree to drop the price (if at all); reassurance to each other that it will sell.

4. All of these steps are doable. I've been putting off many. Most immediate that can be done TODAY: 1) sit down and put the price on the table. 2) get daily workout and start yoga; 3) DECIDE to BE HAPPY!! A less immediate one is: I could make the reservations to go to the first location of choice and GO. And, of course, examine in a day or two if my score is higher than a 5!

Open to feedback.

Selling your house is a huge endeavor, one that I don't envy. I have a couple comments concerning your post. The first addresses one of your final comments about putting things off. I am the mother of all procrastinators. Most times the dread of doing something is worse than the task itself. But that usually doesn't keep me from putting things off. I received a quote in my e-mail a couple months ago that I keep with me. I wish I could remember who to give credit to.

"Action will create momentum. And in momentum will create an ability to forge through any adversity."

So when I have a big job I am putting off, I just start with one small part (sometimes a really teeny tiny part). And then I do one more small part. And pretty soon, the ball is rolling... usually. (Some days, you just gotta lay back.)

The other suggestion involves a book I picked up for which Marci was a contributor, The Secret. I have just started this book, and have been impressed. It has challenged a lot of my thinking about asking and receiving. It has to do with asking then really visualizing as if you have already received.

Bottom line...You seem overwhelmed, but it sounds as though you pretty much have your ducks in a row. Hang in there. Some things may be out of your hands and in the hands or the universe. But, is that really such a bad thing?

I'll be sending happy thoughts your way for a quick sale!

thanks Beth. I appreciate your input. and it is an overwhelming task. I think that one of the points of this whole thing is that we can make the choice to take these kinds of things on with a happy attitude or NOT. It's sometimes hard to see that we have that choice.

Are you going to do this exercise 1?

I'm going to do the exercise too, but before I do--I can relate to your challenge with the house. As a military (now retired) wife, we've moved many times. I hesitate to even say how many, it's astronomical. Many of the places where we were sent were not places I would have chosen, YET, there's not a one of them I didn't grow to love, and feel sorry to leave. But the selling the house part--holy moly, that was the tough part, every time.

You should know you are doing the right things. In some parts of the country, the market is kind of tough, but there are always buyers for a house if it looks good and if the price is right. Sometimes you just have to take a big gulp and leave some money on the table.

Some further steps you might try--Feng Shui--I have known several people who sold their homes within days of doing some good FS. LSC has a course in this or you can hire someone to come in and advise you. Another would be to watch some of the real estate shows on HGTV (on cable or satellite) which can be quite educational. Just remember, if a buyer walks into your house and FEELS GOOD (and your own thoughts contribute to that), they will be much more likely to buy it. If they feel the hustle and bustle and irritation a homeowner might be putting out because they don't really want to show it, and are tired of the whole process, they will be more inclined to move on.

I know you're going to sell that house soon--and probably the "where to go next" will fall into place like magic.

Jeanne

1. My gripey situation is a health issue: this KNEE pain I'm having since a fall last autumn. I can't take most of the typical anti-inflammatory type drugs because I'm allergic to most of those, and that includes OTC things. I really don't like being in pain, or unable to move the way I want. Still, I'm going to rate this a 5 because...

2. Steps I have been, and am taking (yoga and other knee exercises) to help this condition using natural means have been rewarding, and not only for my knee. Over all, I have more energy than even before I hurt my knee.

3. The first tiny signs of satisfaction: In the past, being able to walk the half mile to the mail box without significant pain. It was gradual, but sure. For now and the future--each new thing I can do without pain but I'm going to add stiffness now, which prevents me from moving freely. Each time I'm more fluid in my movements, I'm going to be tickled pink.

4. The first small steps I can take today--I have found some yoga poses specifically for knee health. I shall add them, one at a time.

5.--To be continued, as I work with these new poses.

Thanks takinitslo for taking the initiative to start this thread. You hit the nail on the head when you said happiness is a choice. I would love to participate in this exercise.

It's nice to hear from you again, Jeanne. I am sorry to hear about your knee. Chronic pain can be so difficult to deal with. Keep up the good work. It sounds as if what you are doing is working. Here's your smile for the day. The kids are no longer at home, so I had to look up GMTA (from your response to me in the welcome thread) to find out what it means.

Now the exercise:

The situation that I am most unsatisfied with is my relationship with my husband. After 30 years and 3 kids, We seemed to be pretty much strangers. He has always been very negative. He can find something to criticize about anything. I had reached a point that every time I heard him drive up, I would think, "Great, Mr Happy is home." The only reason I rated this a 2 instead of 1 is that we don't fight. (I heard enough of that growing up.) In fact, we don't do much of anything.

The biggest impact on this situation came when I got to the chapter on The Pillar of the Heart. On day, when I heard him drive up, I sent him wishes for happiness and health. A different man walked in the door. We had conversation at dinner and even a few laughs. He now will even seek me out to talk or just spend time. Who knew? All this time I thought it was him that needed to change. But it was me that needed changing. At this point, I would rate the situation a 5.

In order to keep improving, I will continue to lead with my heart. I will send out love and good wishes instead of resentment. I am even planting the seeds that this is something he can choose for himself, too.

Some tips for working with solutions focus.

At number one after rating yourself ask yourself why did you give yourself a number as high as you did. It doesn't matter if it is a 1 or a 10. It makes it easier to see all the good stuff that is already working.

For a number 1 it might just be; well I know about it and I'm thinking about doing something about it. I know I already have the ability to do x y or y I just need to transfer the skill or I need to learn. It just helps to direct to the solutions focus.

That way when look for signs that something has improved by a point it might be.. being more consistent in an action you already perform.

Remember the Solutions Focus is looking at and building on what is already working. We commonly make the mistake of trying to identify what is wrong. We our attention goes action goes.

Another tip If you have the Abundance For Life course check your manual for the miracle question. It will also help you focus on the solution.

takinitslo, The house will probably sell quickly once you've made the decision where you want to move to.

AlexK

thanks so much for the encouraging words. We are getting several lookers and second lookers. So, all is going according to some bigger plan. As I've gotten older, I'm not so flexible and want things to go faster. But, I also find I have a great deal more fear about getting out there and scouting out a new place.

I figure if I just keep one foot in front of the other, that is the best.

wow, this is very inspirational to me. I need to look at my situation in this regard as well and send out some good heart.

thanks for sharing. I am going to go back and re-read this chapter.

Sometimes I get really caught up in my own head and forget that it is MY thinking that needs a revamp.

Great Jeanne,

I really feel for you in this. I have a couple of compressed disks in my neck and when they act up, it greatly inhibits my life and movement.

I too have trouble with NSAIDs. Stomach kills. I have to do minimal Ibuprofen.

Like you though, I did all the research I could do; founds ways to exercised (this is SO important). But, the most important thing was trying to be patient and doing just a little improvement at a timed. I found a great doctor who had the very same thing I had (this was the universe helping me); and he made a really good suggestion that while I'm trying things and adding new activities to monitor the changes with a journal; so that I can look back on what works and what doesn't. This was a significant thing for me as I would go months feeling good and get another session (usually from overdoing pottery or exercise) and not know what caused it or helped.

Hi Alex,

Thanks for the encouraging words. I will look at that.

I rated myself high for Number 1 because I'm getting older and have not liked living here and have done so to raise kids and finish jobs. Now, that I am at a place to move, I'm older! Wow, funny how that works. Now, I'm less flexible and 'go-getter' and I'm now able to do this thing that requires MORE flexibility and 'go getting'.

I just need to keep my eye on the ball and do the steps. You are right, I need to get to the two places I am considering and re-look.

m

Before we move on to the next exercise, let's review this chapter and objectives and talk about what we got out of this one? OK?

Looking back, I can see that there were more things going right with my relationship to begin with than not having fights. I allowed my dissatisfaction to cause me to become more negative. And my negativity caused me to become more dissatisfied...What a vicious circle! It was a real reminder of what I always told my kids. You can never control what others do. You can only control what you do.

I will continue to use this exercise to improve my satisfaction with my relationships with the people surrounding me. The exercise takes the emphasis off what is wrong and turns it around to a more positive what is right. And how can I do more of what what will work in a positive way.

I will also be using this exercise to improve my satisfaction with my home itself. We have the accumulation of 30 years of marriage and 3 kids. And I suspect a lot of the clutter is tied to emotional baggage. It is definitely not healthy for me. (The house doesn't need to be condemned. It's just that all this stuff around me causes stress.) This one is going to take a bit of soul searching. I'll let you know how it goes.

Hello all, I'm new to this forum, but thought this would be a great place for me to communicate with others that have read HFNR and are looking to keep up with the work beyond the book.

So here's my first lesson:

1. I'm constantly dissapointed in the housing market in Canada and cannot fathom how anyone could possibly afford a home for half a million dollars that isn't at least half a mansion in itself. My satisfaction rating on this is a 3.

2. I keep reminding myself that this is how the economy works, everyone (like me) is looking for more money and as employers pay more money the costs of running their business go up, it's kind of an unending cycle we need to make money to afford to buy something that is always jumping out of our maximum budget. I also remind myself that there isn't a price you can put on the safety of your own home, it's worth the cost.

3. The signs that would point out that my satisfaction has increased are:
Feeling that I will have my own home. Finding my dream home and knowing that I can easily afford the mortgage payments. Feeling the relief of knowing that I too have finally got my own little peice of land on this earth, and that I have somewhere to start a family and keep them safe.

4. In light of what you’ve written above, what are the first small steps you could take
in the next day to increase your satisfaction with this situation?

4. I suppose some of the steps I could take would be to start working on some exercises that will help me to feel worthy of owning my own home; I could start making a list of what I actually want in my dream home (number of rooms, bathrooms, flooring, number of floors, etc.), I could even start to pray for the help in finding my own home.

The more I think of it, there's a lot that I can do to start moving towards that dream that requires very little hard work on my part...I'm glad I spent the time to really think this one through.

First, let me say that I totally get what you are saying. Wow, the market today is really CRAZY! We are struggling with that on retired income. And, let me say, there is nothing wrong with wanting (more). It is the normal thing. I want to move and I want a new home somewhere else. But, the whole idea is to be Happy regardless of that. Finding happiness without those things......

But, having said that, I have a constant struggle with that. How do we do that? How do we get into the very NOW of living and enjoy that moment.

I'm currently watching Oprah's videocast book study of Echart Tolle's new book. He wrote "the power of now" . Which addresses this very thing. I'm really getting a great deal out of it. Trying to understand that in the end, we cannot 'take it with us' and so get to enjoying the very moment of life.

Anyone watching this?

takinitslo,

I haven't been keeping up with the Oprah online classes, but I've been listening to The Secret on audio book a lot. I find that I'm just drawn to anything positive right now and I'm working really hard to avoid or turn around any negative situations that I get stuck in.

I'm working on The Law of Attraction in small doses, it worked in such a way that I ended up with a free, autographed copy of HFNR because I was searching for more information and, wouldn't you know it, Marci made a stop in my city and was giving a few books away on the morning news that I just happen to watch every day.

My advice for getting happy is to surround yourself with things that make you happy. Such as:

- Turn off the news and turn on some music that just makes you feel like dancing.

- Only read the happy articles from the newspaper and skip the local drama.

- Definitely go for the $2 basket for your "victim" behaviour (complaining, blaming, feeling guilty), I've opted for paperclips since I've got loads of them at work and mostly it's just a visual on seeing how quickly they add up; you'll find that after one day your instances of victimizing yourself will drop dramatically.

- Practice giving thoughts of "lovingkindness" to those that often turn your mood ugly. I call it the Care Bear Stare because, in a sense, that's pretty well the idea behind it...sending beams of love from your heart to those that really need some love.

Those are just a few suggestions, honestly, we could probably start a whole new thread on the topic of ways to turn a negative mood around and giving each other tips and tricks to keeping a positive outlook on life.

ML (much love),

hic

No wonder you're happy in Calgary, these are great suggestions! I once spent some time in a sort of convent type of setting, and we were sheltered to a large degree from the kind of negativity that "regular" life normally dishes out. You would not believe how quickly the happy-o-meter goes up when you're listening to non-aggressive music (mostly classical for us, certainly no heavy metal and rap hadn't been invented yet) and you've turned off the teevee news. Since most of us can't live our lives that way, they also taught us HOW to do simple things like watching the news, reading the newspaper, and dealing with annoying things like traffic jams. And I do mean simple!

If you do watch the news, there's usually not going to be a warning that a negative story is coming up. Face it, most of it's going to be negative--news orgs thrive on blood, gore, angst and pain. Just pull yourself back from it, and see it for what it is. It's NOT "you" and usually not even related to you. Feeling pain because of that news is not going to help those who ARE involved. That said, a little prayer or sending healing is always a Good Thing.

USE delays of all sorts--traffic clogs are great for repeating mantras or affirmations--or eyes-open prayers. Grocery lines are great for reading a bit more of your favorite book--and if you're reading, you're not fuming over how slow the line is moving.

Don't take things personally. If someone bumps into you, assume it's an accident. Since that person is probably harried and stressed, flash them a big smile and take the tension down a notch or two.

In fact, SMILING does wonders not only for you, but everyone who sees it.

So that's some of what we were taught, and some of this Marci covers in her book. We were being taught that to bring us closer to Spirit, but it also brought a lot of joy.

Just a few thoughts--perhaps a bit off topic for here, so I apologize if that's the case.

Welcome HappyInCalgary. What some great suggestions. You must either be a child of the 80's or a parent of child of the 80's to remember the Care Bear Stare.

I, too, have become more aware of the negativity presented in all types of media, and have been changing some of the things I expose myself to. I haven't seen Oprah's videocast, but the book has caught my attention. I guess that means I should check it out. The expression "When the student is ready, the teacher will come" has been so true for me. And once I was presented with HFNR, it's been like falling dominoes (in a good way). I have been paying attention to the resources that have really spoken to me. And I have found that by doing this, when I need something, it has been waiting. I have been presented with a way to increase income. My bathroom scales have a post-it with my ideal weight right where the numbers read out and I actually got rid of my winter clothes in my old size (from The Secret). I knew that I really had never let go of my past and just built walls instead, and next in my pile of books to read is The Sedona Method. My reading list has increased exponentially, but my attention span and ability to concentrate has not. But, a couple days ago, I was introduced to some material on brain entrainment that I am checking out(think bio feedback). Also, I ran across the course for photo reading that I had set aside and forgotten about. I trust that I will now have the time to get through it all. One thing just seems to support the next. When I left my job, I knew it was time to go, but not for what. I am so excited that now I am moving forward again.

Great ideas for sending out the love. Here's one more. Give someone your place in line. It doesn't cost anything but a few minutes. And the payoff can be so much fun!

Thanks for the extra suggestions Jeanne and msbeth20!

I have started a new thread in the Forum for Tips & Tricks for Getting and Staying Happy. Please feel free to post your a recap on your tips and tricks there or any other new ones that you may have to share with all of us.

Anyone still participating?

kimh-
I am still here. I don't know if the others are still checking in on the discussions or not. I see Alex stays on top of things here, and will have some good insights to add. If you want to continue to go on with the exercises, we can forge on. I will have to figure out how to add new threads. Three months ago, I was ready to sit back in my rocking chair and wait for grandkids. I knew how to read and write mail, do searches and buy stuff on the internet. Now, I am posting entries in a forum, I was on a teleconference, I figured out how to scan pictures and attach to e-mails. I've read several books for my own growth. Some huge insights came with A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. (Thanks takinitslo for the nudge.) I'm even thinking about taking a class to learn how to play steel drums. My sister and I have a saying when we want to tackle something new..."How hard can it be?"... And then we dive right in. I guess that rocking chair will have to gather a little more dust.

kimh,

Well done. I see I have a task I need to take care of. For now to start a new thread or topic click on the down pointing arrow that says "Topic option" at the top of the page. And there is a link for a new topic.

AlexK

Thanks Alex.

I posted a new thread with the second exercise from Chapter 1, titled HFNR1 - Look for the Lesson and the Gift.

That wasn't hard at all!

Beth

Hi. I just read the response by msbeth20 and it was so moving.
The situation that I am having trouble with is making friends. I'm in my second year of college. This last summer I read Happy For No Reason and loved it. It changed my life. Now I'm in school again and though some things have changed, I'm still not as close with my peers as I would like to be.
I would rate my satisfaction level right now as a 2. I've been reaching out to people. I've been working through a lot of my own issues and practiced forgiving friends of mine that hurt me in the past. I've been trying to open up more and I've been sending loving kindness (or trying to) when someone is mean or being exclusive.
Although I've been practicing all of these things, I'm not satisfied with the situation. I've tried letting go and surrendering to the universe. But it seems like everyone else in my group of friends have closer relationships with each other than with me.
What would improve my satisfaction greatly is if I had one or two (or more) friends who liked me best or specifically wanted to hang out with me. I think it's been very discouraging to feel like no one likes me best.
I'm posting this with the hope that someone can help guide me with this problem. I've had great friendships in the past so I know it's possible, but right now I don't know how to get where I want to be.
How does one gain true friends?

If you smile to most people, they will be inclined to smile back. If you can attact lot of people in your life, then you can easily find out who can become good friends (like common interests, etc) and who can't. Of course, some people of the opposite sex may find your smile like a way of flirting. So, early in the friendship, you need to decide, whether a possible romance with a certain person is what you want from him/her. I believe that slowly you will be able to attract the people who make the types of friends you like to have.

Good luck!

One of the ways to gain true friends is to give of yourself. Sometimes just being there and laughing at their jokes brings a smile to their face.

If you're looking for what you can get out of friendship I think you're looking at it the wrong way. You don't feel like you have a friend until you start giving them a hand. Being the one who helps them move their stuff. Picks up their book because you happen to be going that way anyway. Those sort of favours. Then not measure when they come back to you. You might have to do this often enough for a few people till you find the ones who balance out the score for you and those you will call your friends.

Being Happy For No Reason is being happy in what you do. That means not putting yourself out just to win friends but doing what makes you happy. Looking or opportunities where you can truthfully say, "happy to help" with a smile. That's scores you friends.

AlexK

I landed on my face being exploited by trying to be nice and helpful to a person I cared about. I believe she was a very hurt person who had a narrow focus. Maybe your suggestion works on large numbers.

I have had similar experiences, not that I considered myself exploited, though others tell me I was. Quite recently in fact.

I remember it was my choice to be generous and if they were just using me then they have a problem not me. Naturally I cease being there for them since it doesn't serve anyone for me to allow myself to be used. It's a matter testing the water since we don't know how comfortable we will be in the friendship. Yes there will be people who just use others generosity but we all eventually find our real friends.

In being generous and doing small favours I'm being kind to myself because that's the kind of person I like being. There will be times my generosity lands with someone who might not have earned or deserved it. Then again who's to say? In the scheme of things it's all good. If I don't feel right about it I stop. It's a friendship or relationship I sort but wasn't meant to be.

So yes it does work with large numbers. You only do it as long as you're happy doing it.

AlexK

You know funny things can happen when you do favors from your heart. When my wife and I were getting divorced I did favors for her all the time, my friends told me that I was getting used by her and should stop helping her because she was a lost cause. Well the truth is I never felt used because I was doing it from my heart and didn’t look for anything in return. Although most of the time when you do something for someone it comes back to you from somewhere else in this case it came back from my wife, we remarried 10 months later. You never know the end result of the things you put out into the universe right away; sometimes you can make changes in someone’s life and not see it till later. Just do what’s in your heart and allow the universe to create the results.

[quote=msbeth20]Now the exercise:

The situation that I am most unsatisfied with is my relationship with my husband. After 30 years and 3 kids, We seemed to be pretty much strangers. He has always been very negative. He can find something to criticize about anything. I had reached a point that every time I heard him drive up, I would think, "Great, Mr Happy is home." The only reason I rated this a 2 instead of 1 is that we don't fight. (I heard enough of that growing up.) In fact, we don't do much of anything.

The biggest impact on this situation came when I got to the chapter on The Pillar of the Heart. On day, when I heard him drive up, I sent him wishes for happiness and health. A different man walked in the door. We had conversation at dinner and even a few laughs. He now will even seek me out to talk or just spend time. Who knew? All this time I thought it was him that needed to change. But it was me that needed changing. At this point, I would rate the situation a 5.

In order to keep improving, I will continue to lead with my heart. I will send out love and good wishes instead of resentment. I am even planting the seeds that this is something he can choose for himself, too. [/quote

Good day. This is my first look into this forum and voila I choose this to view. Thank you for re-affirming for me that this approach does affect change. I am of the belief that I create /attract what is in my life and I am responsible for how I interact and the energy I give out.

In my relationship where we have many differences in lifestyle I have questioned the rightness of my staying, yet deeply love my partner. My thoughts often were about what I didn't like, didn't want and the resentments I carried.

Guess what... when I think loving thoughts, focus on what I do want and treat him with the love and care I want for me, our relationship improves. I can draw good energy with "good" thinking. Keys: watch how I do this relationship, stay conscious and let whatever happens be okay.

[b][/b]

I am hoping that you can report more since that last posting. It seems we may have some similar things going on in our marriages. Hope it got better and better for you guys.

-charlie