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Joined: Apr 2009
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I've been using Paraliminals and home study courses since 1991.One area that's been hit and miss for me is relationships.I know I cannot control what another person does because it takes more than one in any given relationship.What I'd like to know is there anyone on the forum who has had success in restoring a relationship using this work?

"Don't ever call me , don't email me, and I hope this will be our last interaction." That's the last thing they said to me last year.

Those words ring in my head a lot.Has anyone had a degree of success for this to become otherwise?
Please don't respond with the typical "cut your losses" answer.I am asking for those who have had success in this specific area.Thanks so much.

Joined: May 2005
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I think you need to look into what caused the break-up of your relationship. Maybe you can use New Options Generator, New Behavior Generator or Break the Habit.

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Thanks for your reply.Have you ever had success in restoring a relationship of any kind, whether it be friendship, a potential for friendship, romantic, or what have you?
What I am most open to is seeing a post from someone who has had success after accepting the fact of what I posted earlier, and where they went from there.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

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In romantic relationships, once it was over, I just moved on. I have remained friends with some women, but nothing close. I feel that broken relationships leave many unresolved emotions so I prefer to move on. The close friendship could rekindle the old problems and feelings.

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Well, unique thanks so much for taking the time to dialogue with me.In this particular case I am not talking about a romantic relationship; I am talking specifically about restoring something where miscommunication occurred and the result went sort of extreme. In my life I have "moved on", but I also stand for something different this time around.If I continue to just "move on,"perhaps I am simply repeating the same old.And I don't know if it will do to just say "I'll do better next time," because with human beings it's different-not interchangeable like other situations or opportunities in life.I guess it depends on what I make it mean, ultimately.But I just wanted to offer you a sincere thanks, and would love to share other ideas about our Paraliminals to try returning the kindness you've shown me.

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You are write that we repeat our patterns until we get rid of them by releasing them emotionally. Maybe then Break the Habit would be the best option to get started with. Make sure you analyse your situation before you start your session with the Paraliminal. Also you need to remember that it takes about 30 days to build a new habit. So you need to work on your problem steadily. Best of luck!

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This is going to sound touchy-feely and New Age, but I'm going to say it anyway...

Amazing things can happen when you just accept what is; I mean REALLY accept it. Yes, this is easier said than done, and no, I am no expert at it, but on the occasions when I have really let go, I have seen things resolve themselves.

For sure, you are resisiting what is, and that is more likely than not, keeping the person away. I know it's hard and counter-intuitive, but finding a way to release this is the best way to go in my opinion. That way, either the situation will resolve itself by the person coming back, or you will see that you aren't really bothered anyway.

Do you know of The Sedona Method? You can get it in book format and it's not really expensive. Another good technique is Chris Payne's Complete Acceptance Process, but it's a bit like Sedona from a different angle.

Good luck with it all!

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Hi.I've accepted what is. I haven't lived my life any other way.I don't think what you're saying is new age-y or touchy feely.I just think we may be confused as to what acceptance actually is.I fully accept what is with this person,but acceptance is not resignation,is it?If that's all it is, then why are we even on this forum?I can step on a scale and accept my body and love it just the way it is at any given moment.If I am overweight, should I just accept that?Or if it can be different; make a stand to commit to making changes?I feel in this case the issue lies with me,and my way of beingness.It's the biggest challenge to make a breakthrough in this area that I have ever faced to date.I don't think that accepting something and still being bothered by it are mutually exclusive.There is a dangerous line in accepting what is, and making that mean that it could NOT be any other way.In the moment you accept you DO recognize what is;and your choice is to decide whether or not you're standing for the possibility of a breakthrough, or something better.Thanks for your response.

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This is a very interesting discussion.
For what it is worth, here is my pound's worth:
I was the one to walk away, never wanting to see the man again (it was a futile, hurtful relationship with no romance whatsoever), and I genuinely felt my heart was broken.
I left him, spent 6 weeks away on work trips. He collected me at the airport and to cut a long story short, once he had overcome my considerable resistance, we married and produced two children, and over 20 years later we are still together.
We are total opposites in every way, and that makes for a lively, interesting, worth-working-for relationship and we are committed to making it work.

Regarding your person who wants out and to be totally, completely free of you. I can understand your wanting to understand what happened and the motivation behind it. You are willing to learn from previous mistakes. Why not go quiet and genuinely ask your True Self a few questions. Stay open for the answers and accept whatever you get, no matter how it comes. Ask questions like, a) What can you learn from this? b) Why did it happen? (people are not always clear or honest about their personal motives - maybe you did nothing untoward?) c) What do you personally need to do in order to let go and move on gratefully/gracefully? d) You seem stuck in the past with this issue, ask yourself how to move into the present.
Good luck and here is to genuine growth with no holds barred. I really hope you get to the bottom of it and can move forward in total self-acceptance and freedom.
Adieu, French Claire

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Hi again Really,
I just had an insight. I recently read a book on Fear - the concept being that fear is essential, not to be shied away from, but a very important signal that all is not well. Listening to fear has saved people's lives because they got out of tricky situations on time.

How does this relate to your experience? Well, in the book the author/researcher brings people through terrifying ordeals (such as rape or attempted murder) and he helps his 'client' remember 'fear signals' that all is not well.

In your posting you seem to indicate that your situation with this person did not come out of the blue. There was a history of....? deteriorating communication.... previous conflict.... what exactly? I think you should see the 'slamming of the doors' by this person as the final act. Your solution to understanding what went wrong lies in earlier episodes.

Good luck. Those who genuinely seek will find. Let us know when you find it.
French Claire

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