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Hi:
Thanks for your response.The two of us had a good working relationship with the possibility of friendship(not romance).I like your suggestion about asking the true self.
You actually have been the only one so far to answer my question directly.I asked simply "Has anyone ever had success with restoring a relationship?"What I got was basically people trying to analyze and advise rather than answer that question.I may be stuck in the past, and I may not be, the point was seeking an answer to the question.Now, as far as I know, we parted on good terms, and when I phoned back after a couple of years, our conversation started off okay.Haven't you ever said something that may have been taken the wrong way?It was like that.Not something that had been building; we had no contact for a couple years.So maybe it was the final act, and maybe not but I was simply looking for an answer from the forum.I accept what she said and keep on living-that doesn't mean I am not open to us at least having a better understanding of each other.Anyway, thanks to all who have responded.

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Hi Really

By posting a question such as that on a forum such as this, I guess people also thought you were implying you wanted help with a situation. You're also likely to get a lot of New Agey answers because that's where a lot of people are coming from.

I have tried to write a follow-up answer twice now, and ended up not posting it, because it sounded New Agey and analytical. I'm glad I didn't post it now, because it would only have irritated you. I didn't realise you wanted such a direct, yet simple answer, so here goes:

Have I ever had success restoring a relationship?

Yes!

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Thank you Inchiki:
And if that's so, did you employ any of the Paraliminals, or did you employ the ideas about letting go and accepting what "IS" in order to have this occur in your life?That's more of what I was hoping for.I would call myself more of a practical person rather than a philosophical one in nature.Please know that I feel everyone who responded contributed something, it's just that I felt a little as if my question was being ignored in favor of telling me things that are mainly esoteric.It would be like if someone posted:"Has anyone ever had success w/Paraliminals in taking off weight?" and I responded by giving all but a direct answer-and then the "how" or "details."
I take help and contribution anywhere I can get it, believe me, and I'll give and contribute in any way I can to others.I was just hoping to clarify the direction I was going in.You did so, and thank you once again.Now I don't feel so alone.

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Aha! So you do want more than a yes or no. \:\/

No, it was before I got into all this self help nonsense. I was being an arse and I had a bust up with my best friend. I approached him a few months later and ate humble pie. I still feel embarrased about my foolishness even today, and this was 15 years ago, but it was my fault.

From a purely practical point of view then (seriously!) I wouldn't bother with the person. I could go into a long self-help spiel here, but I won't, except to say that you are only in control of what you can directly influence. If your happiness depends on someone else, which in this case it does, to some extent, then you're fighting a difficult battle. I honestly wouldn't bother. This person has said she doesn't want you in her life. Again, from a practical, perspective and if we were having afrank conversation over a couple of beers in a pub, I'd say 'Take a hint and move on'.

If you insist on trying still, then I would definitely get your hands on the Sedona Method book and work through it, because, if you don't mind my saying so, I feel the only way you're going to get a reconciliation you want is by working this through on the non-local plane. I'd also recommend Natural Brilliance for its power to collapse the 4 quadrants of a problem, and the 'Fresh Start' Paraliminal that I recently just acquired and really enjoy. OK, don't get all arsey on me for saying this, but you may also have an esteem issue. They are very common actually. For this I recommend Paul McKenna's 'Instant Confidence'.

Success in much of self-help ends up being a paradox.

I once had a friend who treated me really badly, and it hurt like hell. I mean utterly gutted here. If I am honest I think I had some romantic feelings towards her, but she really betrayed me in my eyes. I knew nothing romantic was on eth cards and the betrayal had nothing to do with that anyway. This was also before I became a self-help junkie. I took a day out of uni and took the metro to the last stop on the line, just to see where it would take me. I ended up at a weird round library with individual study rooms. I went into one of those rooms and just let myself agonise and agonise.and you know what? After a few hours, it all just subsided. The mist cleared, and I just wasn't bothered anymore. I was in a new country with a new start to that part of my life, and I had decided to enjoy my time with new friend and new things. I didn't realise it at the time, but what I had done was to go through a massive release. I was happy and I didn't care. I just accepted what was, as I know it now.

Guess what? It can't have been two days later this 'friend' was calling me up all smiles and how it was before - I kidd you not! She had an alterior motive, and wanted her emotional tampon back, and more the fool me, I didn't send her packing. I was more wary this time round, and we ended up not friend in the end, but that was for another reason and frankly, inevitable. But it's as I said - amazing things do happen when you release on them.

And by release and acceptance andnot caring I don't mean 'I don't care, she can get out of my life' because that's a cry for help and a denial because you want the opposite of that. What I mean is a feeling that you are as you are and that person can be as he or she is, and it's all perfectly OK, just as it is.

So there you go: practical = forget it and move on; weird and spiritual = send out love to that person and go for acceptance. What's it to be?

Stick around. This self-help stuff can be a lot of fun!

Peace, love, joy and a bloody big spliff!

IG

Last edited by Inchiki Gaijin; 04/29/09 08:28 AM.
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Good answer, Inchiki Gaijin !!!!!

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Dear IG,
Thank you for that inspirational and honest contribution. I could really relate to all of it (except the spliff comment).

I read your comment regarding the either/or decision with especial interest. When I read it I agreed, the two options are either to move on and forget it OR to go metaphysical/introspective and forgive /let go /send out love.

Out I went for my daily walk and session with Jack Canfield on my iPod. Guess what. Exactly this either/or topic came up. He discussed the belief that there is a dichotomy, either take one course of action, or the other. No, no, no, there is another route too. You can do both.

So, Really (if you are still reading this and don't feel lectured to death yet), you can probably satisfy all your needs. You can release and let go until you overcome the need for a specific outcome. Then you can start to play with the issue. You could contact the person and find out all about it. Why did they do it? What caused the strong reaction? If they tell you, you satisfy the need to understand. If they reject you further, well you are back where you started and can decide from there what is right/best for you.

Happy best outcomes.
Adieu,
French Claire

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Yes, but people who are not into personal development play the same game over and over again, as IG explained. So, unless this other person has undergone a strong emotional shift, then it's better to let go and move on.

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Wow, tons of response here.Thanks again. The "yes or no" request was more to get to the more detailed answer you laid out, IG.
The choices may be clear in this case between forgetting about it; or maybe even trying to find the person again and seeing if it merits a discussion; or maybe just taking an introspective look, and "letting go with love" no self esteem here; my happiness is not dependent upon another person.
So as I said from last time, you all have shared and I have seen a couple of cases where you did end up speaking with the people in question again.So there's nothing wrong with being open to that happening in my life.As I stated from the open, I have been using Paraliminals for about 18 years and I know they work; but this was the biggest challenge yet for me.I knew there was emotional maturity and growth involved here however it may have played out in order to learn something.
Anyway, it will turn out however it does; and if I do nothing-it is what it is.Thanks for all of the suggestions, and if nothing else I like to see a forum coming alive and speaking with others on Paul Scheele's programs.

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 Quote:
You could contact the person and find out all about it. Why did they do it? What caused the strong reaction? If they tell you, you satisfy the need to understand. If they reject you further, well you are back where you started and can decide from there what is right/best for you.


I disagree with this. In the first situation I quoted above, neither of us really wanted to break friends, and the break was made by ME, so it was up to me to broker a reconciliation.

In this case (and Really, I apologise if I sound like I'm talking across you here as though you aren't there), the other person has stated clearly that she wants nothing more to do with him. Going to her and asking questions may now come across as intimidation, and even stalking! Really would be acting against this person's clearly expressed wishes, so, in my opinion, it is going to cause even more problems. Far better to walk away! I have some experience of this myself, and I can state without a shadow of a doubt, that I did not improve my situation by looking for those answers.

Furthermore, what if Really receives answers he doesn't like? I believe he has an esteem issue, or he wouldn't be seeking this reconciliation in the first place. He would be satisfied within himself and accept this action as the other person's issue; the other person's 'problem' rather than his own. If he gets a hurtful response, he may take it personally, and this may engender even more hurt and resentment and even self-loathing. Is he personally enlightened enough to see this as the other person's problem? Very few of us are. I'm not yet, so don't think I've got this down. And then, this is assuming this person is also enlightened enough to see the questions for what they are, rather than something oppressive.

Personally, I would walk away. I can't understand why you'd want to associate with someone who held you in such low regard. There are plenty of people out there far more worth your energy than people who don't like you!

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Woah. woah, woah. IG, I have to say something here. First off, I do not know where you get the idea that I have a self esteem issue just because of wanting to clear up a misunderstanding.You really have to understand the larger context before passing a judgment.
I haven't spoken with the person in almost a year, and it wasn't anything close to intimidation, or stalking, or anything remotely like that.We had a small spat.I knew the person for years before this, and we did well together.Now,I happen to know that this person had always held me in high regard and respected me, and my time, my profession, all around.I value your input, but I guess I have to say I don't think you're quite grasping the situation here.
Just because I may or may not like the so called answers I'd possibly receive doesn't preclude me from being open to all the possibilities.I don't know what may or may have happened in your personal dealings with others, but if you're going to read some of what I post and take that as gospel, then please refrain from also picking and choosing what you will of my posts to suit your own psycho analysis of me.That's not fair at all,and shouldn't be the spirit of our forum.I take a little exception to you stating I have some sort of self esteem issue.
Anyway, let's try to be more upbeat on here if possible.

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