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Advice on my long lasting problems - one by one #81316
03/03/13 04:43 PM
03/03/13 04:43 PM
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
UK
H
Happy2013 Offline OP
Junior Member
Happy2013  Offline OP
Junior Member
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Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
UK
Hi

I have just joined this forum after reading Happy for No Reason for the third time - yes, I have read it 3 times !!! I have been down for many years and have suffered from depression a few times. Sometimes it is difficult to tell if it is just lack of happiness or if it is a clinical depression. But I have been diagnosed with depression, given ant-depressant, and asked to see counsellors. None of them really worked. I think at the moment I am not really depressed but I am still not happy.

It is a long story but I will try to make it shorter and tell my story bit by bit. I hope I can get help from this forum.

Before saying my problems, I must say this book is excellent. The first time I read it, it gave me hope - a hope that I will never be depressed again, becasue I know the ways to live happily now. A very special experience for me is that I felt happy when I saw a loving couple in the street - i.e. I was able to share their happiness. This had never happened to me before I read this book. I then read it the second time in order to learn more from it. Recently I read it the third time with an aim to understand even more and do the exercise in the book more thoroughly.

OK, here is my first problem:

I find it difficult to find happiness. Example: a) nowadays people always do facebook/what's app etc to talk to their friends. I do not find it interesting (so never do it). b) 99% people like travelling abroad etc (i.e. holiday). Every time going to a holiday, I just feel either bored or numb and fail to find the meaning of it. As a result, to me this is just a waste of money. c) People often upgrade their phone and are excited about their new "App" or games. I cannot find any interest in it. Because of these (and other reasons), I do not even like to be human. If I was, say, a bird, that would seem much better...

I have been trying the advice on the book. Sometimes it gave me some "booster". But very easily I fell back to my oldself -negative and boring....

It is not easy to separate one problem from others - I think they are linked to each other... perhaps I try to take this "boring me" as a starting point... hope to hear something from you guys/gals.

Thank you in advance.

Re: Advice on my long lasting problems - one by one [Re: Happy2013] #81318
03/04/13 06:38 AM
03/04/13 06:38 AM
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 7,089
Australia
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Alex K. Viefhaus Offline
Learning Strategies Admin
Alex K. Viefhaus  Offline
Learning Strategies Admin
Member
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 7,089
Australia
First of all stop comparing yourself to others. Your perception that people are thrilled about a new phone or app, doesn't mean they aren't depressed themselves. That kind of happiness is short lived. People who love to travel see travel as an adventure. I can tell you from experience the havoc I've experienced during travel... Fight delayed, missing flight, luggage missing, 50 hours traveling and nearly 70 hours without a bed, having to go and buy clothes because the clothes you've been wearing for 70 hours are offending yourself. And that's from one civilised country to another. At that time happy is not the emotion that I experienced. Worn out, tad frustrated. too tired to be angry, a little insulted about being pulled up at the airport for almost a strip search because flight schedule was changed because of missed flight and my lack of luggage that the airline left behind (and didn't show up for 4 days after I arrived). Now I laugh about it. Why? Because I survived it.

Number one thing if you want to know happiness, stop comparing what you think makes other people happy. I love to take photos and it annoys my family that I'm always taking photos when we get together. They like to have a drink when they celebrate, I don't.

It's a huge misconception that "everyone else is happy but I'm not so I must be broken." if the majority of the world were truly happy there would be no need for the book on the subject.

I'm not fussed about phone apps or games.

You know when I'm happiest? When my mind is empty. When I stopped comparing and looking for what's wrong with me and started appreciating what's right about me.

Have you ever receive a compliment and said to the person, you're wrong, you don't really know me. If you knew me you wouldn't say that. Or, okay so what do you want from me, no one gives a compliment without wanting something in return.

Why? What proof do we have that either of those things are true?

What proof do you have that people who travel like travelling and 99%? where do you get that figure. Technically I hate travelling. I re frame it. It's an adventure. Take the dive and hope the net will appear. That's got nothing to do with being happy. The adventure often includes meeting new people, trying some different food. Testing your comfort zones.

Being depressed, well that's like looking at a wall and thinking that's all there is. Nothing will change and then be unwilling to change. Unwilling to risk finding what brings you joy for the fear you'll lose it anyway. There are destinations I have no interest in travelling to, that's got nothing to do with happiness. If I did wind up going there. It's me. It's not stuff I do. It's my choice.

I can actually choose to be happy in this moment or be depressed because "this doesn't interest me".

Alex


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