Kaiden, I have often admired your reasoning and your sense of wonder and unique expression of your learning in life, I have admired your sense of owning your learning.
I have seen great self-sufficiency in you that I admire, I could do with just a little bit more self-sufficiency myself. I have learnt that self-sufficiency has its rightful place in the human mind and behaviour. It is impossible to live healthfully without a good helping of it. To wait for God's every instruction is evil and wrong and is not the way God intended.
I believe, to search for wisdom and then use that wisdom is the way God intended. I could do with a greater helping of self-sufficiency and I admire that in you, it is fantastic what you have, and it is something you should value. Those who are dependent on God to the extreme that they haven't got a healthy sense of self, that is an immaturity that keeps some people away from God. I believe God wants us to lean on Him until we can depend on our own minds to live well, but then that doesn't mean getting rid of God when He has made us more independent of Him. Steven Covey had a word "interdepence" - the fullness of one person interacting with the fullness of another. Paul Scheele has this described into the process on the Relationships paraliminal.
About the word "have" to do something for God. If you feel you "should" or "have" to do something, then the other person might resent it if you don't want to do it. I feel that good relationships aren't built around unhealthy obligation, and shoulding yourself with guilt. Too little wanting to do good, can lead to living a lie, shoulding yourself to do stuff you don't really want to do.
Loving a person only because you have to is not a real relationship. I am trying to use this principle to get dishonest goodness out of my life. To me a should can only go so deep into a person's mind, a relationship could turn really sour if it's all based on this outer layer. I find it very difficult to accept total unselfishness as a possibility for a person, although unselfishness is a virtue, the external shoulding is not the unselfishness that I think is right or truly virtuous. I believe the true virtuous unselfishness is the brain healthy "selfish unselfishness" - (thanks to Al Siebert for cementing that learning), when you really want to do something for somebody else because you want that person to be happy. I believe that it is unhealthy psychologically to be totally unselfish and a very dishonest way of relating. To love somebody because you choose is the only love there can be.
The method I used to come to know God more intimately is to pray mainly for what I personally want, besides I believe God does not answer dishonest requests. I believe that God uses this reflexively to encourage me to lift my values. By constantly doing this I believe that God shapes me to learn His will willingly. I just have to show a willingness.
About God choosing a soulmate for me, I believe that if I like somebody a lot, really a lot, and God confirms that He will bless the relationship richly and that He chose her AND I chose her, I am filled with great joy at this, and will be even more willing to put effort into the relationship, and I won't hold back from the relationship.
About the pain of break-up I trust if God wants a relationship for me, He will do his utmost to build the relationship Himself, and if there is a break-up I have God to depend on to catch me and heal me. Personally I don't think God likes the idea of break-ups and won't purposefully put me in a relationship to destroy me. When it's God I trust only good can come of it even if it's only a good learning curve it won't go to waste.
