I've done two things that sort of worked. One was biulding an inner Paul. It's not as cultic as it sounds, and it sort of just happened from listening to paraliminals and natural brilliance over, and over, and over. The other thing I did was apply antinomialism. Nothing has any inherent meaning or value to me anymore. Because of this, I'm no longer "goal oriented."
It's like this: I dropped from 375 to 238 at my lowest. I was able to stick to the diet because I was a virgin, and I wanted to be sexier. What happened when I became involved in a long-term relationship was an oscilation, because suddenly I was made very aware that I was excluded from fast-food places, eating popcorn at movies, eating snacks at most parties, and although sharing my body with another was no longer a problem the ancient act of mamallian bonding - the sharing of food - suddenly became far more difficult. I also had to weigh "lunch money" (and on a low-carb diet, this can be a lot) against "relationship-money," as my primary value forced the oscilation again.
Now? I'm totally single again, and I'm back on the diet that caused me to drop the weight in the first place. But, there is no [/B]Lust For Desire[b]. I'm not doing it for sex, health, religious taboo, or to make anyone else happy. I'm doing to because the process of eating is pleasurable in and of itself.
There's no inner critic telling me what I should or shouldn't do because the inner critic has no leverage to convince me that what I'm doing or not doing is somehow a violation.
"The easiest way to deal with guilt is to never do anything that you're going to feel guilty about," -- Phil Jervis
