Hmmm... I was going to change the title of this message "Things have changed (like this title)" but it seems it's not possible. Well anyway, Here's what I want to say:
last Friday I wrote this message to state my position as clearly as possible and to propel me further. it has served its purpose well. 
The original message:
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Today something strange happened… I was at my working place, waiting for a meeting where I was supposed to be the leader …and I typically started to develop a stress which I have before every event where I have a major role. It's a stress like I can't do anything, I can't think anything. This happens also when I try to write something that I feel it's my own work and I want to do it very much and I'm proud of it.
So, I was there sitting in my working room and developing and suffering an incredible stress. I thought that I have to do something. I felt that my feelings at the moment were not the basic source of the stress but it was something a couple of steps further. Sort of I was afraid of a fear of a fear of something. And so I noticed that I had a hazy picture of the original thing that I feared and took the mental image and put it I front of my feet and made it smaller. … and what do you think I saw?!!?? The image was about a baby's feeding bottle!!! I was afraid of a baby's feeding bottle!! What do you think about that…
Anyway, I noticed that my fear started to diminish when I looked at the image in front of my feet. I could even feel some relief. Phew! -And the I started noticing that all the fear was not gone, there was some left. (But I was able to concentrate on the meeting.)
Now the meeting is over and I want something more! You see, I don't want to relive this anymore! Things are sort of mixed up in my head and there is some fear left. And I know that if things are left like this I will feel the same stress again in the future in a similar situation. Obviously there is some more steps to be cleared, maybe it was a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of something, or even a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of a fear of something, or even more…. I don't know right now. I wish I knew how to make this "something" different! It may have something to do with that I sometimes have difficulties speaking, writing and even thinking with words or sounds. I may be afraid of a certain voice or sound. In that case that voice or sound is resonating all the time in my body, I can feel it. Could I get rid of it? Or is that sound the origin of the chain?
I'm sorry if this message is not too clear. But it clearly (!) reflects my state right now. Yes, I want things to be clear organized and well-defined.
I may add that I've been doing a couple of months SFQ and this week stopped it to listen to Richard Bandler's Your own personal genius cds. I must also add that none of these things happened because of SFQ or NLP, the feelings I described have been with me as long as I remember. I'm sort of relieved that finally I have reached so close to the bottom. And I sincerely hope that things will get easier for me!!!
purjo
[This message has been edited by purjo (edited August 16, 2004).]
