Hey it sounds to me like you're shouldering this relationship on your own.. It cuts both ways... you have to understand each other and respect each others feelings. Those things don't happen overnight they are ongoing in a realtionship. You are not only betraying yourself but her too by denying your feelings.
Does hating yourself for your feeling or thoughts, make the situation better? Change them or accept them. It is true that you cannot change other people, you can give them the opportunity to change by discussion. The choice is theirs just as the choice is yours to get off your own back. Stop being your own worse enemy. Stop making yourself feel wrong for the feelings you do have.
Simply stop getting down on yourself for thoughts and feeling you had in the past.
The past is gone, the present is the now where you can choose to enjoy, be, love and exist in happiness. The future is an idea. The only time we own is the present.
Alex
