Nacho, I don't think my words have brought you much comfort before and they may not again. I'm only posting because I thought of the phrase that simple things are often the most powerful, and I am definitely simple.
My belief is that you are going through this experience because you need to. I have this belief for all my doings and I would have it for you regardless of what your are experiencing. I believe that you will come through this with what you need. I don't know if this is knowledge, chi growth, beliefs, connections or experiences.
My advice is still from my ignorance. It's to have trust in the benevolence of the universal energy. Demonstrate your trust and grow in the demonstration. I'm not saying stop seeking for answers or stop seeking help, but do it with trust that what you need will be provided. Banish panic, anger, hate, fear from your thoughts and give yourself to the care of the universal energy with which your posts indicate you have had much connection.
Sending love for your journey,
Iam2 
