I got hold of a belief that might lurk behind all this...
Something like" everything I want is bad just because it is me who wants it and I should not want anything, because... ... I have to ... ...what...?." The rest is not clear yet.
This is still a bit hazy, I don't know where to go from here... But, again, I decided to write about it in the forum, because usually things get clearer when I have written about them here in the open. it's not enough to write just for myself.
expecting exciting times....
[He].2s2.2p4