Thanks for sharing Eric_G. I think everything you've written is fine. If you want to start a journal here, I think that is a very generous act.
Like you, I've found that when I share openly and don't worry about the appropriateness of the comments that I often get more back that I'd ever think possible. So I'd encourage you to continue.
As for the juggling, I too found that if my mind strayed from the goal, either to consciously control or to wonder, that is when I would drop the ball.
I am curious how you would do, if you just closed your eyes and juggled. Just thing of the act of juggling. Not the details. Don't try and consciously figure out where the ball(s) will be just do it. Let go of expectations. Don't be affected by dropped balls. Just keep at it for twenty minutes and see what happens. Try it with only a short distance.
I was surprised that as a cluts I usually had the ball (only one) land in my palm. It was better than with my eyes open and bigger tosses. The other thing that surprised me was that sometimes a hand would quickly move a couple of inches and catch the ball. Since my eyes were closed all the information came from my sense of muscle contraction and touch. My mind would project the path and correct my hands, completely without my conscious intervention.
I'm very curious what kind of experience someone who can juggle might have.
You are perfection,
Iam2 
