Hi there Successful,
This is a difficult subject for anyone who experiences the decline of a parent. In the more recent past I have witnessed friends of mine struggling to come to terms with losing a parent, and it seems to be a long process.
In my case I seem to have ongoing difficulties recognising the changes that are taking place within my mother. I somehow seem to have a fixed picture of her (as she was in her prime). When evidence of age appears, I go into denial (that is I get irritated with her behaviour and I try to get her to alter it), or I treat her as she used to be (fully functional) and am unable to accept she behaves differently, or I suddenly get a glimpse of her as she is (getting more and more forgetful, startle reflexes like a baby with arms spread wide and huge fright, or irrational claims like she's never seen/eaten such-and-such even though we had it the day before). Just yesterday I suddenly realised that her hearing has deteriorated.... perhaps that is why she often asks the same thing a few times over.... maybe she doesn't hear us? Even her facial expression has changed. As a result I don't recognise the person that was.
I kind and loving friend that I have here in France went through the same thing six years ago. Her advice has been invaluable. She says that the person my mother was has gone. That one of the most difficult for any adult to do is to parent their own parents (and I wholeheartedly agree with this. I baulk and twist and turn and deny and avoid.... anything not to have to do her thinking for her!). She advised me to be endlessly kind and patient because mother's time is short, and when the parent has died, the shame, guilt and regrets set in. Only for it to be too late to make any changes. With all this advice ringing around in my head, I try to parent her, not to criticise her, to support and to be loving. However I find this almost impossible. Inside I often feel revulsion at her inability to concentrate, to complete tasks, to focus, the endless repetition of stories tries my patience. All at a time when my soul cries out to focus on the positive.
The only tool I know of that actually helps is releasing via Sedona Method. I find I can just let it float away and dissolve. This makes me kinder and feel better in myself. However the effect is short term, so I have to keep releasing.
And then she tells me how happy she is to be with us, how she loves living in France (she speaks no French), how much better she feels..... and I feel little short of a monster. Why can't I just adapt to the deterioration and enjoy what I have of her?
She is/was an outstanding person. At age 82 she still works as a journalist.
Every blessing
French Claire
