I have been listening to Jeddah's CDs (both paradigm and freedom series) for over 6 months. I am now becoming very aware or how fearful I am of real freedom. The piece I get stuck on is the TRUTH that I can no longer hide from.... I am totally responsible for all in my life and there are millions of choices. Sometimes I feel freed from a cage and the next minute I realize that while I am flying around, that I have a life to live. I have always been a "responsible" person and have much resentment of being "my brother's keeper".
I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place, free at last and connected to all... and yet even more burdened by the sense of responsibility and ethics. I have been used and abused throughout my life. I trust no one but myself or others with similar values (like Jeddah). I know I am not alone... but I feel very lonely. I am afraid that I will stay stuck here hoarding my new found freedom. I feel connected to ALL and yet still isolated. I know and accept that everyone is walking their own path, but truly long for a spiritual and physical companion. I long for an intimate connection: this is a desire I cannot shake. Although my mind is very open, my heart is not. I have been burned by believing the lies of others. Does being true to myself mean I will live a life without a deep connection to a special other? Maybe I should become a Christian and go to church (Ha!) It is hard to live Christian ethics...which are Jeddah's teachings, and not be a follower. Any insights would be welcomed.
Thanks for listening,
Sheryll
