Hi Uly,
I am so sorry for your losses, pain and suffering.
There is so much to say about all of this, but the main thing is that I can hear that you feel very disappointed, disillusioned and let down by all these healing modalities.
And I am sorry, but I don't think anyone can give you a definitive answer.
However, I can speculate a bit, because I do a lot of study in this area and it is one of my main passions in my life and work.
Two things that I offer you as possibilities:
1) consider the possibility that regardless of how it seems unjust and too soon for your mother to pass away at 59 (and it does! and of course, even if she had lived a lot longer, a) if she was suffering during that time, the extra time might not be better and b) you would still feel a great loss no matter when it was. There is no perfect time for mourning. It is what it is, loss. It hurts and we have to heal from that. Time is one of the factors that helps, ironically. The same time that was taken from us being with our loved one in the physical body) that you may have helped her after all! THe fact that your mother was talking about a holiday and was riding a bike, sounds a little like a healing. Healing is not always recovery. In my tradition (the Jewish spiritual tradition), we pray for a "Refuah Shalemah", which is Hebrew for a "complete healing" or a "healing of wholeness" (kind of a redundant phrase).
The way I understand that, it means a healing that is appropriate for that person. Sometimes, it is what we call recovery or "cure". But not always. Sometimes, it is transition, release. It depends on the person, their karma, if you will, and the situation. And only that soul can know.
I submit to you, that it is possible, that it was your mother's time. And that though you were not able to "cure" her, you may indeed have helped her healing and helped her in what was her last days on earth. Healing happens on many levels and to focus only on the medical level, well, that is where energy healing and medical healing part ways (one of the many places).
Also, on this same point, blockages can build over many years and even life times. And it is not given to any of us to always know how deep, how big, how BLOCKED we are. We work on whatever practices we do, and there is some healing that is happening. FOr some people, it is very palpable and clear, for others, it is more subtle, and it is our ego that wants to see the results that WE want to see. This is natural. And then we have to let it go.
Even for your dog, he has a lot of energy blockages and sickness and pain. I don't know how old he is (you may have said in an earlier message), but sometimes, we can not get rid of all the symptoms, or even any. But quite often if can help the animal (or person) deal with the pain and suffering, make them feel better. I have worked on many animals and most of the time, they love it. They seem to come back for more. I would continue to work on your dog.
My therapist's teacher, Dr. Charles Tart, who was chair of the psychology dept of University of California in Davis, specialized then and now in paranormal research.
And one of his areas of focus was on the reasons for resistance to paranormal and psychic phenomenona , not only in skeptics, but BOTH IN PEOPLE WHO DO RESEARCH IN THIS AREA AND EVEN PSYCHICS THEMSELVES!
Dr. Tart wrote a number of wonderful books, one of which is called "OPEN MIND, DISCRIMINATING MIND". It is a collections of essays on different subjects.
One of those essays, may respond to your concern (it may not, but it feels to me like it does).
This essay is on prayer and Gurdjieff's understanding of the power of prayer. Gurdjieff is one of Dr. Tart's spiritual teachers (not in person, but through his work and that whole "Fourth Way" school of spirituality.
In brief, Gurdjieff believed that prayer worked, but that the reason why we often don't experience it working, is because we are many people, each one of us, is full of mixed messages. So if I, let's say, pray for a million dollars (or whatever), and think that I want it, fine. But, part of me doesn't want it![i]
And there are many aspects of self that do not communicate with each other. In Gurdjieff's understanding, in order for these kind of "powers" to work, we have to be very, very focused. And most people, MOST PEOPLE, are not that focused.
[i]EVEN IF WE PRACTICE FOR HOURS A DAY! This kind of focus often can take years and years of practice with many failures before success (it can also be the opposite, but each case and each person is different).
Now, if this shoe doesn't fit, please don't wear it, but I know for me, that once I open to psychic or spiritual or more subtle forms of energy, I am tempted to do MANY DIFFERENT THINGS. My mind tells me (and I have Attention Deficit [ADHD] Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder [OCD], which exacerbates the problem) "Let's do more!" And not only that, it seems like the Law of Attraction works to bring more of those things into my life. So when I began deeply getting into SFQ, all of a sudden, there was everyone and their sister trying to "save me" or "help me" with Reiki or other forms of qigong, etc, etc, etc.
Now, this may only be me, but I have found that when it comes to energy healing, signal healing, informational healing, spiritual healing, most of the time, more is not necessarily better!
FOr me, it's worse. It does not work as well. It goes back to Gurdjieff's principle of focus (and this is a big part of SFQ healing. I can't speak for other forms, although I do do Tai Chi and have been practicing for over 35 years and that is part of my SFQ practice, and Master Lin has told me that is kind of an exception and it actually "best" if you have a good Tai Chi practice).
But here's the thing: one has to ask one's self: what works?
I know a lot of people who have practices of all kinds: yoga, Reiki, other qigong, Native American practices, aroma therapy, color therapy, herbal therapy etc etc etc, when they learn SFQ, they want to defend and keep their practice.
And my attitude is, hey, if it works, do it! We just say, it is best, if you make sure you have a half hour "buffer zone" in between.
But in all due respect, I humbly submit that for many people, THESE THINGS ARE NOT WORKING! If they do, fine. But if they don't, if things are not getting better, maybe we can take a kind scientific, experimental approach and try a different way.
What way? Try doing ONLY ONE THING AND NOT MANY!
Now, I am not saying that people should stop taking their medicine or whatever their health care professional is telling them to do. That is between them, the professional and their conscience and it is their own health. THey are responsible for the decision.
I am saying that like the old vaudeville joke of the guy who goes to his doctor, moves his are up and down and says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this!"
The Doctor says, "Well then, don't do that!"
I have been through many healing modalities. I was raised mostly on a holistic approach from 1956 through now. My mother mostly took us only to Chiropractors and only MD's occasionally. I have tried many things. I have spoken to many people and I have heard a kind of example like yours many times.
And I think that your journey is a good one.
If you want to really see what works, try doing (as far as energy healing) ONLY SFQ for about 3 months or so. Personally, because of the results I have seen with it (and I have done many forms of qigong), I would give it even more than that. Maybe six months. If you did 4 hours of SFQ a day every day and didn't get results, it might mean it won't work for you ever.
But again, I humbly submit, that it might be working and might even work better if you only focused on that.
Now if you already did that and it didn't seem to work, again, how do you know that you would not be worse? Or your mother? Or your dog?
Everyone is different. THe blockages can be so strong and deep that you might be working very deep down and it might take longer (sometimes longer than the person has in this life) to get all the roots and all the way to the symptom.
I could be wrong, but it is possible.
You are in loss right now. That pain is real and is something that also needs to heal. SFQ can help with that process also, as can time.
I know that there are many on this board who also have trained in many modalities. And I mean no disrespect. If it works, than it works and that is it.
But this is addressed only to when it DOESN'T Work! Then try a different approach. Pick ONE thing and do it with the kind of dedication that Master Lin did. Just practice your qigong. Let go of the Reiki, Crystals, many qigong styles (almost all of my qigong teachers told me that before one can learn a new style, usually you have to do one style for a year or 300 hours, whichever comes first. IN general, this is a good rule of thumb).
Do this one practice for 100 days (start with that, download the LS 100 Days of practice calendar. It is free and a good tool to help). Then maybe another 100 days. Then another. After each 100 days, assess where you are. Maybe keep a journal during the time. Watch what happens.
Many times, when things get worse, they are getting better. Stuff is being stirred up. A healing crisis. A change. And then energy releases more and we experience healing. Or the opposite (And this too is quite common), people experience great breakthroughs and then get addicted to those. And when it is no longer big change or phenomenona, they get bored or discouraged or whatever. I know this happens to me a lot. It is one of the "demons" I wrestle with.
I encourage you to at least consider what I have offered. 1) that you DID help your Mom and possibly in ways that you don't know (Master Lin often says that we have to let go of the results and just offer it from love) and 2) that your development in spiritual/energy/message healing has reached a new level, that all of the things you have done are not wrong, but rather have brought you to this point of critical change and it is now time to focus ONLY on one practice with one teacher.
Okay, you did up to 4 hours of SFQ practice over the years. When I had my migraine breakthrough I was doing 7-10 hours! Now does everyone have to do that? No! No one has to do that! But I wanted to get through these migraines without medicine and I made an almost desperate decision that I was going to practice until they were gone.
If I had only done an hour or 2 at a time, it probably still would have worked. But it would have taken longer.
4 hours? Okay, but who can say how long it needs to take? At what point should the surgeon say, "okay, I have cut enough, now I am stopping because it is taking too much time". Might be 4 hours for some, 7 for others, and 10 minutes for someone else.
Maybe even for you, 4 hours is TOO much. It might be better for you to do a half hour session of active, an hour of meditation and that's it. And then no Reiki, crystals, or other energy practice. Let the SFQ "digest". And continue that process. Or that might be not enough. It depends how "badly" you want it to work. Or rather, how "goodly" you want it to work.
If it was me, I would drop all the complication and focus on one practice, try and do at least a half hour to one hour active and then if it is not helping work up to more. And then more. As much as I can do, comfortably within my schedule and lifestyle. ANd every once in awhile do a "marathon" or "retreat" session of much longer.
I.e. do a regular practice that works and fits and then once a moon or every few moons (maybe during full or new moon) do a much longer session (if breaks are needed, take them.
I know that this is a lot.
But I really do hope it helps and I hope that you can see that healing works on many levels and not only the physical.
