Forums IMPORTANT: PLEASE READ Jeddah Mali teachings Embracing Freedom - Stuck at Meditation 1!

Hi Wendy-

Thanks for that encouragement, and "permission" to move on ;-)

I was actually considering doing that, but it seemed really bad to do it on the first meditation, and also Jeddah said in the introduction to the course to go through them in order. You totally nailed it when you said about "doing it right"!

Its interesting you align it with Turst and Surrender, because I spent several weeks working with that one because I really felt it strongly and it was working really well for me. Also because I really appreciate the way that Jeddah frames "surrender" as that is such a tricky word. I actually didnt have any trouble with that one at all. And I still fall back on that when things are rugged for me.

I just dont seem to resonate with the "willing" part of this meditation. I get confused about whether it is willing in the sense of using my will to cause something to happen, or willing in the sense of being willing to experience something (which feels more like allowing). Then when I cant manifest the state Jeddah is working with (joy), I feel like there must be something in me that isnt willing to experience it, and you can imagine how that feels - I dont want to experience joy? What part of me might that be and how do I change that? And that is the place I get caught in the confusion and frustration. About that time is when she says to allow more joy, which I cant even do in the first place, and that's where I tip over the edge. Aaargh!

I will follow your advice and move on to the next meditation. Thank you for moderating this forum. It is the only one in which I am actually getting real help with the materials.

WaterBird