Hi Sheryll,
I am wondering where you are in Jeddah's teachings? I empathize with your feeling state, as I have experienced similar states like that (see my earlier post on depression). All due respect to Wendy and her offering in light of Jeddah's teachings, which are indeed expansive and healing and contain Truth, there is also the reality of dealing with our human condition & long established emotional patterns as we move through these sometimes radical shifts in consciousness. Believe me, I have been hitting wall after wall as I move through them!
I would encourage you to find at least one person that you can connect with that is walking a similar path and can provide support, and my experience is that later you will be able to support them when you are in a better place.
The good news is that you reached out for help, which would seem to indicate that you in fact do not want to manifest death, but you may be experiencing an "existential" death, as the way you knew things to be is changing radically, even if is doesnt look that way in the outside world. If you can stay moving with the meditations it will most likely shift for you.
The other possibility is to use the teachings to set an intention to create the reality you want. If you are lonely, set an intention to feel happy and fulfilled, or whatever comes to you as you sit with it.
I would also be happy to have an offline dialogue with you if you are interested.
Warm wishes,
WaterBird
