Wow. I am so glad this forum still alive because good supportive forums are pretty much gone. When I first log in I got attracted to this original and follow-up post because I am suffering from strong procrastination. I LOVE what I do for work and I am trying really hard to grow, but I sabotage myself by sleeping late and getting to work at about 11:00 AM (if I did not own my business I would be fired long ago, and if I was not amazing at what I do, I would have lost this current gig). But is hard to grow if I only work 6 hours a day... Why am I self-sabotaging myself? I will repeat what I mentioned to a friend a couple of days ago, I was educated on a very strict Jesuit Catholic School in which I was instructed on the merits of being poor, I also have vivid memories of when I was a child being hungry and afraid of losing our home. A couple of days ago as I was driving, a flash of repressed memory came clear into my mind (I think in response to why I sleep late -no matter at what time I go to bed), when I was in middle school I was kicked out from Catholic school and as punishment, I was sent to military school. So our wake-up time was 5:00 AM every day and had 30 minutes to be perfect information outside by 5:30 AM to start our morning exercises. I have to confess that as I am writing this, I am having a very tight stomach and I am kind of glad that I am typing this and not saying it out loud.
I have huge dreams, and a huge opportunity is just knocking on my door, and that is why I find myself here because I need to change, I need to convince my subconscious that I want to enjoy waking up again at 5:00 AM so I have time to meditate, do my QGong, and still be at work by 9:00 AM. Countless times I convinced myself to try waking up early until morning arrives...
I also have the bad habit of purchasing material that then sits on my shelves, I think I owned all paraliminals, and created a different problem because I have not used any of the material and I do not even know where to start. I am clear on what I want? Most certainly. Do I know how to get there? I have the feeling that stopping at procrastinating and trusting the Universe would be a huge meaning to get me there. There is also a lot of reading to sharing with the tribe, getting a partner to work with, hmmm love the idea, and I guess that is why I am sharing long-forgotten thoughts and emotions. I want to convert my past into my wisdom and be firm in my present ready to embrace my new amazing future.
thank you for reading,
Steven
