Cannot yet create new forum topic ... so I'll post it here. It's about some recent concerns and problems I am having with the course.

Ok. I went through the course one time, and I must say I liked it very much. Very interesting.

Now I am going through a second time, and I am feeling sorta confused during the feeling exercises. I get this, "uhhh, what am I supposed to do?" feeling during them.

That is, I feel my feelings and appreciate them, appreciate myself as the creator of the energy, etc., and I realize that, hmmm, I have a lot of feelings over and over again. Feelings of tension, unease, etc.

Now, I can feel them and appreciate them as energy, but now I am thinking, ok, now what? What happens from appreciation and acceptence? Do the feelings automatically change and evolve over time from the awareness and acceptence? Or is it required that I make a decision on how I want to feel?

For some reason that option seems unnatural and contrary to the main thrust of the course. The whole being vs. self-improving deal.

Also, here is a question about the second part of the feeling exercise: when you decide to feel and appreciate a feeling you want ... well ... just because you decide you're going to feel something doesn't mean you're going to feel it.

Let's say I decide to feel total ecstasy and bliss ....

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Nope. Not there.

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Still not feeling it.

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...

Wait ... Wait ... Is that ...? No. Just gas.

You get the picture.

I am surprised that (unless I missed something) this second part isn't more fully developed and explicated in the course. I mean, is the purpose just to intend a feeling and feel whatever of it *is* there and appreciate whatever manifestation it takes? I am ok with that ... but that seems, well, sorta weak.

The link between the acceptence type material and the more traditional, goal oriented, self-improvement type stuff is ... I don't know ... tenuous and shakey at best.

One of the things I was thinking about was something akin to what John Grinder goes on about, namely the role of the conscious mind in dealing with the unconscious mind. In Whispering in the Wind he talks about the kinds of approaches he considers appropriate or ethical in dealing with the unconscious. The feeling I got was to allow it as much lee-way as possible. Let the conscious mind get out of the way--hence the use of metaphors and very general states of excellence.

What seems ideal for me is through the feeling exercise is to get more and more in contact with the core self from which all this manifests and sort let it work things out for the better. Know what I mean? I mean, how much of this course is about getting out of your own way and how much of it is about letting the conscious mind try to run the show with its goals and desires?

Is it bottom up or top down? Does the unconscious just go "yeah, ok" to our everyday conscious decisions that form patterns of manifestation? Or is the course arguing for some higher level of consciousness at which decisions are made that cause manifestations to come into place in our lives?

Robert Masters talked about initiation ceremonies in which the intiate learns a spiritual metaphor under which his or her life was informed. That is, the major story, the major role or roles under which one lived one's life ... through which one manifests. The initiate examines them with the master and is then "renamed"-- that is, given a new, better metaphor or role.

I guess I am just wondering ... just what the hell is up? What am I doing here?

I feel like whether I decide to just go with the flow or impose some decisions is going to affect where I am going to go. It seems that simply feeling and trusting myself will lead somewhere ... but that that path will be really, really slow. That is, it'll take some time for these feelings to work themselves out. On one level its all bliss, I agree, but meanwhile us worker ants in lower consciousness are having aching necks and sore shoulders from the burdens.

edit:

I don't want to seem like I do not appreciate the course. I really do appreciate it. Right now I just feel kinda floaty and confused and the material itself seems to be providing more questions than answers on the second time through.

[This message has been edited by babayada (edited April 13, 2004).]