At the risk of sounding self pitying I just want some help and advice. I have found this course hard to understand. I have made a real mess of my life. I was brought up in a very religious household and subconsciously always believed my life was not my own. I tried to be good and always do as I was told. This has had devistating consequences for me. I am very lonely. I have no siblings and no children, I am facing a very lonely old age. Soon after we married the man I marrieed became disabled and this has had a huge impact on my life. I am explaining this because what I really want from life I cannot have. I cannot magic children and oh how I wanted them (I am too old) my husbands children by his first wife want nothing to do with us and if I am brutally honet I was always jealous of them, even more so now there are grandchildren on the scene. I own these feelings but they are painful. When in CD four we are asked to write down 7 seven things that are good in our life I cannot find 7 things so what do I do? Again when we are asked where we are from 1-5 on most things I am only 1. I feel my whole life is a disaster, I have gone from one self-improvement course to another and I keep missing the point as I seem to feel worse and worse and such a failure. Although I own the feelings it is difficult to both accept and be greatful for them. I live in a home I hate and have always done so with no chance of getting out and even if I could I cannot work out where or how, I hate the job I do. My husband has recently become even more disabled and this is putting a great strain on me. I am not feeling sorry for myself there are many many people a lot worse off than me but I just want to feel better. Any and all suggestions will be most gratefully received.
